Eurasian, you're Asian

i have a love/hate relationship.

i like being Taiwanese. i value intelligence and pragmatism. i am not bothered when people call me a nerd, because it is true - both my parents have doctorate degrees. if i didn't value education, i'd be thrown out of the house. there is something sweet about being able to speak Asian languages in America, where people have a much harder guessing what is being said in Mandarin than in Spanish.

that being said, i would like to present a brief anecdote.

there always seems to be ongoing construction at my school - today, there were silver fences strung up all around the school parking lot. i was in a hurry and failed to notice one of the silver fence bars laying around the ground. i tripped, but did not fall. i managed to stablize myself, albeit awkwardly. as i continued walking, some Caucasian boys nearby snickered and laughed, "Asian Fool!" i wondered if i should face them and say something, but nothing came to mind. instead, i ignored them and continued off without bothering to look closely to identify their faces.

thinking back about it now, i wonder why i felt so ticked off. if they had simply yelled "Fool!", i suppose i would feel a little differently. but when they added "Asian" to the insult, i was indignant. what did my being Asian have anything to do with being careless and tripping?

sometimes, i wish i were not Taiwanese. it is a strange thing, but i have learned in my sixteen years that regardless of being born and raised in the melting pot that is America, most Asians still hang out with Asians. this is true for mostly all other ethnicities as well. by association, i am regarded as a workaholic, nerdy, studious bookworm who eats fried rice and plays piano. there is some truth, but much of it is simply a stereotype. there are many unkind people at school - the boy who writes "I'm Asian" as a joke on his backpack, the ones who gripe about our school becoming "Chinatown" when the actual population is about 40% Asian. There are the girls who specifically pick Asian victims out. whenever i've been called out for my cultural background, i've done the same thing i've always done - ignore and walk away quickly.

on the flip side, when the other Asians at my middle school suddenly decided on "Asian Pride" as their excuse for everything, i regarded them with the same disgust as the rest. they acted as if being Asian automatically guaranteed superiority. i found the whole thing entirely revolting and avoided being involved with them as much as possible. i've also noticed that "ABC"s seem to disassociate themselves from "FOB"s as well. Sure, Asian Pride. Just keep two seperate categories: one for American Born Chinese, the other for Fresh Off the Boat.

I probably sound selfish and ridiculous for feeling so, but since I was young, every so often I'd find myself wishing i was only half-Asian: still Asian, but appear just "American" enough to get by without the stereotyping.