Fun Way to Procrastinate, No.1

So I was sitting in my room on this cold October day with my roommates, attempting to finish my problem set for chemistry. My roommates were talking about their dream weddings and whatnot; I listened amusedly but didn't really contribute to the conversation since I was getting increasingly pissed off at Webassign. Anyways, F brought up the topic of www.morphthing.com, where a program will morph two pictures to produce either a picture of the potential child or just a simple composite of the two pictures.

So basically, F and I have been spending the last hour wasting time on this website. F has been mixing her face with actual people we know by creeping for pictures on Facebook. I have actually been trying to maintain some sort of work ethic, so instead I have just been selecting the prepared celebrity images and doing my homework while I wait for the images to process. Right now, this website is being ridiculously slow, so I'll just post the results I ended up with thus far.

I'm kind of annoyed how they seem to all look the same. But I guess it makes sense.

Chris Pine

Cilian Murphy

Orlando Bloom

Gaspard Ulliel

Sadly, the picture of me and Prince Charming (aka James Marsden)'s kid was crushingly disappointing, and so I will pretend I never even attempted to do so.

Alright. I need to stop creating pseudo babies with these untouchable celebrities. Peace out.

Disney Princes

Continuing with this recent Disney theme of mine, it occurred to me the other day that I have never been attracted to any of the Disney princes. It's not as if I'm one of those people who think finding fictional characters attractive is just plain weird -- I assure you, I am just insane as every other teenage girl (excluding the Edward Cullen fans, who must be of an entirely different human subspecies doomed to extinction because they will never find mates who meet their expectations). I've wished that Gilbert Blythe of Anne of Green Gables lived in my neighborhood, and I was depressed when Ren Honjo of Nana died in a car accident. Call me weird, but at least I don't call myself Mrs. Cullen or do stuff like this on Youtube:



So why am I not attracted to any of these dashing defenders of chivalry? Let's analyze each of the Disney Princes to find out. And just to keep things simple, I'm sticking with humans and legitimate royalty (sorry Shang -- I don't care what Disney says. Mulan is not a princess).

(Inspired by this very interesting article, but with my own brand of sarcastic/cynical commentary: http://www.retrojunk.com/details_articles/2397/)

Prince Charming #1

Does anyone else think he needs a rhinoplasty?

Pros: I've already ranted on and on about this guy in my last post. The only positive thing I can say is, if you like a man of mystery, this is your guy -- because we learn absolutely nothing about this guy during all 83 minutes of the movie.

Cons: Refer to the previous post for a very thorough thrashing.

Relationship with women: This guy has serious mental issues. He meets a beautiful scullery maid, sings to her for about a minute, and then disappears for the next 70 minutes until he conveniently stumbles across the girl lying in a glass coffin months later and kisses her "corpse." And plus, has anyone noticed how open-ended the ending is? The only that suggests that he weds Snow White is the rosy picture of the castle in the background as they make their way towards the sunset. For all we know, he could have taken her off to some distant cave and do what mammals in heat do on the Discovery Channel.

Companions: The stereotypical white horse. Just as nameless and boring as its master.

Final Verdict: This is the most boring man of mystery I have ever come across, not to mention that he seriously needs to see a psychiatrist. Pronto.

Prince Charming #2
With a name like Charming, he's certainly got a lot of expectations to live up to.

Pros: This is the guy who makes sure he gets what he wants. What do you do when the girl of your dreams runs away from you and leaves only a shoe behind? You send the duke to go door-to-door and try the shoe onto every single lady in the kingdom! Duh!

Cons: It's certainly telling how despite the fact that he is a prince and his name is Charming, they still had to hold a ball so that he could meet some ladies. Can't say this guy is much better than his predecessor, in terms of actual lines in the movie or how much we actually know about him. I don't consider singing a duet called "So This is Love" an actual conversation, thank you very much.

Relationship with Women: Clearly this is not a guy who pays attention to details. If I just met the girl of my dreams and she seems to enjoy my company as well, wouldn't it make sense to take the time to ask, "Hey, babe. What's yo name?" And what about his grand plan to find the girl? Did he ever stop to think that there might be other women in the kingdom who had the same shoe size? No. Or maybe he did, but just couldn't be bothered -- much in the same way he couldn't be bothered to look for the girl himself and sent someone else out to do the dirty (and smelly) work.

Companions: None. No white horse, no cute animal friend, nothing. Ah, so it turns out we have a loner antisocial prince who has no friends and can't meet any girls. Parents, this is why you have to choose your kid's name carefully, or else you may completely obliterate his self-esteem.

Final Verdict: Anyone notice how similar how the two above pictures are? That's a telling hint of my opinion on this chump.

Prince Phillip

... and that's 99 reasons why we should get it on -- now!

Good sir, what are you doing with your other hand?

Pros: Lucky guy. Betrothed when he was only eight years old, he didn't have to dive into the mucky dating pool or worry about whether he'd die a lonely, old, heirless king. Thus, he could devote his time to learning the art of conversation and actually hold a decent conversation with his lady love during the course of the movie. And when have you ever met a guy with such decisiveness? He's ready to end a sixteen-year-old engagement to the girl next door after singing and dancing with peasant girl for just a few minutes. Not to mention, this guy only needed a mere five minutes to slash his way through the forest of thorns, fend off Maleficent's attacks with his fire-retardant shield, and chuck his sword straight into Maleficent's heart. Now this is a man of action.

Cons: "But don't you remember? Why, we've met before: once upon a dream." Such a cringe-worthy pick-up line makes me wonder if we really need Disney princes who talk.

Relationship with Women: Finally! The first prince that actually does something besides sit pretty on his horse (not to mention, the first prince with a normal name)! This is the guy who will immediately end his relationship with the "other woman" just so he can pursue an honest relationship, the guy who will literally leap across chasms just for you.

Companions: Sampson is no ordinary white horse. This noble steed leaps across broken bridges, slides down cliffs, barrels toward a forest of thorns, dashes through green fire, and yet has to be bribed so that his master can go chase after a girl. Even a horse does more than either of the Prince Charmings ever will.

Final Verdict: Because he's technically known his bride for sixteen years, Phillip is off the hook for his hasty courtship.

Prince Eric

It certainly takes a lot just for Eric to "get in the mood."

Pros: If you like the casual type of guy, this is your man. The only time when he looks remotely princely is when he's getting married. The rest of the time, he's romping around with his dog and tormenting his creaky old advisor. And if you're the sea-loving type of person, this is the guy who never seems to get off his ship, despite how close he is to the shore. (Why the heck is he sailing all the time anyway? Doesn't he have more princely duties to be doing? Like going into the forest and looking for damsels in distress to sing duets with?)

Cons: What in the world did he see in Vanessa/Ursula? Whereas Ariel never fails to look cute and perky, Vanessa's eyebrows seem to be tattooed in a V shape. "OMFG she's got the same voice as the girl who saved me lyfe!!" That's definitely not a good reason to get married.

Relationship with Women: Think about it. He has to be serenaded by a bunch of fish, bugs, birds, and a hermit crab just to feel like kissing a girl? Which didn't work anyway... but he didn't even bother to try again? This man has no initiative... either that, or he's gay.

Companions: Max the scruffy sheepdog, an advisor who looks like he's about to kick the bucket, a crew of merry men, and the most psychotic chef in history. Period.

Final Verdict: This is definitely not your typical prince -- who else would forgo a sword and simply stab the villain with the prow of his ship?

Prince Adam (aka the Beast)

ME LIKE PRETTY THINGS!

It's kind of sad how he looked better when he resembled the Minotaur.

Pros: This is the first Disney prince who fits under the whole badass-jerk-with-a-heart-of-gold label you see so often in fictionpress stories. What other prince can fend off a pack of wolves with his bare hands? What other prince has a voice as deep and luscious as the Beast's? What other prince could fight off a champion hunter barehanded and would still show mercy on the villain who nearly killed him (nevermind that the idiot demonstrated his gratefulness by backstabbing him -- literally)?

Cons: Picture this. You've just broken the spell on your true love. He's suddenly floating in the air and glowing like Edward Cullen in the Sahara Desert. You avert your eyes from the brilliance, and then TA-DA! Your prince looks even uglier in his human form! You see, my friends -- this is the enchantress' true test. How long will you stay married to a guy with an effeminate soprano voice -- even though his deep, resonating beastly voice was much of the reason why you fell in love with him in the first place?

Relationship with Women: Okay, so he wasn't exactly a ladies' man at the beginning. He forces you to live in his palace for the rest of your life, and yet you can't go to the West Wing. He throws a temper tantrum and throws furniture at you when all you wanted to do was touch a silly old rose. Fortunately, his manners certainly improve. He knows how to pick out the perfect present and is willing to make changes -- just for you. Not bad, huh?

Companions: Magical diningware and appliances make things so much more interesting at dinnertime. Speaking of which, did anyone notice that Belle barely ate anything in that whole "Be Our Guest" sequence? All the food dances away before she even has time to take a bite.

Final Verdict: Everything the Beast had going for him went down the drain the instant he tossed back his wavy mane of hair to reveal his human self.

Aladdin
Daddy, can I keep him? PLEASEEEEEE?

Pros: Not only is this guy able to outsmart and outrun the entire Agrabah police squad (what I don't understand is why they sent so many men after a thief who had only stolen a measly loaf of bread), he ends up giving it away to a hungry pair of children. Not to mention, this is the first Disney prince without a drop of royal blood in his veins, AND he defeated the villain by outsmarting him, unlike the Prince Charmings who did nothing yet claimed all the credit and Prince Phillip and Prince Adam, who both resorted to violence. Oh, did I mention that he actually sings a song that isn't a duet?

Cons: Physically, he's probably the youngest and least manly-looking guy out of the bunch.

Relationship with Women: What do you do when the one you've fallen at first sight for is a billion rungs higher up the social ladder than you? Naturally, the first thing you do is save her from the angry shopkeeper, help her evade the police squad, and take her back to your hideout where you offer her an apple you've stolen. Aladdin is certainly a charming fellow -- when he's not trying to pretend he's some rich, arrogant son of a sultan.

Companions: A annoying, greedy monkey with a matching cap, a magic carpet with a personality, and of course, a hilarious genie voiced by Robin Williams. Automatically add 100 points.

Final Verdict: Finally! A prince with a brain!

Yawnnnn... and so, to conclude this very strange post, here are four slightly unnerving but nevertheless interesting pictures from the Disney Heroes gallery drawn by David Kawena. I would have liked to include all six of the featured princes, but as you already know, the Prince Charmings are so incredibly useless that David Kawena didn't even bother including them in his Disney Heroes collection.

Prince Phillip

Prince Eric

Prince Adam

Aladdin

As you may notice, the pictures get progressively more... uh... eyecatching as you move down the list. Visit his deviantart gallery if you're curious about the other portraits.

And yes, I feel slightly dirty when I look at the last two pictures. Geez, David Kawena... why did you have to draw it so... flamboyantly??

Anyways. So in conclusion, who is my favorite Disney Prince?

You called me for me, oh wise authoress?

This guy cracks me up. Especially the scene when he gets run over by bikers while he's singing.

The Case Against Snow White

... or maybe I do know.


Can anyone guess why I have a problem with Snow White and the Seven Dwarves?

I am under the impression that almost everyone is familiar with the Disney versions of fairytales and almost nobody is familiar with the original versions written by the Brothers Grimm and Hans Christian Andersen. Very few people are aware that the original Little Mermaid actually dies because she loves the prince too much to kill him; likewise, very few people know that in the original version of Snow White, the girl is only seven years old when her jealous stepmother orders to have her killed.

I mean, really? Hello, she's the effing queen! Why in the world would she be jealous of a seven-year-old?

Of course, Disney could not have their Snow White be a seven-year-old, because the idea of a grown prince whisking a little girl off into the sunset has all sorts of pedophilic implications. So while Disney gave her the body of a seventeen-year-old (though as you can see, she doesn't have much of a rack), her brain remained at the level of a seven-year-old.

So anyways, the film begins with the Queen, aka Vanity Incarnate, with her magic mirror. For a woman who cares so much about being the fairest one of all, she certainly doesn't dress like she cares. You would think she'd show a little more skin and dress a little sexier, so then maybe that nonexistent King and husband of hers would actually show up in the movie for even a second.

But I digress.

We all know what happens. The magic mirror tells the Queen, "Yes dear, you are getting old and now your stepdaughter is way hotter than you." And of course, the Queen is in denial and refuses to accept the fact that everybody grows old.

Then the scene cuts over to Snow White, dressed in rags and scrubbing the palace steps -- never mind that she looks like she hasn't worked a day in her life. As she refills her bucket in the well, she starts singing a rather repetitive song about how she's wishing for the one she loves to find her. Lo and behold, guess who shows up with the most perfect timing? By golly, it must be an authentic wishing well after all!


No, James Marsden is not Snow White's prince. As you can see, Prince Charming shows up a grand total of two times in the movie -- all he does is serenade Snow White for about a minute and then does his princely duty of kissing a sleeping girl -- which means I could not find a single picture of only Prince Charming on Google or Yahoo. Instead, a bunch of pictures of James Marsden popped up as an image result -- thus, I have chosen this fine picture instead. Very princely indeed.

Now, I really have a problem with this prince. For starters, what do we really know about this chump? Firstly, how do we even know he's a prince? Oh, okay -- the textual interlude tells us he's a prince. But how would Snow White know? All he does is sing an equally repetitive song:

One Song
I have but one song
One song
Only for you

One heart
Tenderly beating
Ever entreating
Constant and true

One love
That has possessed me
One love
Thrilling me through

One song
My heart keeps singing
Of one love
Only for you

I don't know, Prince Charming. It sounds to me as if you're trying to convince yourself that monogamy is the right way to go.

And that's it. We never learn his name, his zodiac sign, his kingdom, what kind of music he listens to, nothing. All we know is that this guy has a white horse and a deep baritone voice. And of course, Snow White falls head over heels for him in an instant -- but all she does is hide behind the window curtain and giggle.

Meanwhile, the Queen orders Humbert the huntsman (no joke! Wikipedia knows all) to murder Snow White and bring back her heart in a jewelry box.

Look! Even Humbert has a picture, unlike that silly prince!

Humbert must be the only decent human being in this story. The king is nonexistent and has no control over his psycho cannibal wife; the wife is a deranged female Narcissus; Snow White is a child trapped in a woman's body; the prince is a creeper. Leave it to Humbert to take pity on Snow White and tell her to run away. The Queen, unbeknown to her, dines on a pig heart for dinner instead.

I have to admit, I'm getting a little tired of summarizing this fairytale. So instead let's just skip the scary scene when Snow White runs into the forest, and let's cut straight to the dwarves.

Last summer, for my Writing class at Stanford, I researched fairytales and wrote my final paper on the discrepancies between the original fairytales and their Disney counterparts. There have been plenty of sexual interpretations in regards to the relationship between Snow White and the seven dwarves -- for instance, the ambiguous nature of Snow White's relationship with the dwarves is symbolic of her maturation and gradual sexual awakening -- but this isn't a scholarly post, so I don't feel the need to delve into all that juicy critical analysis. Feel free to look up that stuff yourself.

I've got nothing against the dwarves. All seven of them combined pretty much is the equivalent of the affectionate elderly grandfather who is an ex-Doc, sometimes grumpy, sometimes happy, sneezy, bashful, sleepy, and when old age kicks in, a little bit dopey. And I'm not sick enough to venture into all those perverted Snow White/seven dwarves jokes, so let's just move on, shall we?

Meanwhile, the Vanity Incarnate is spending time in front of her mirror again, and to her great surprise, she is not the fairest one of all, for Snow White is alive and well inside the dwarves' cottage! Instead of rationalizing reasonably with herself, "Hey, now that Snow White lives in the middle of the wilderness, no one will ever see her! She's as good as dead!" -- the Queen decides that her only option is to drink a potion that turns her into an ugly witch in order to trick Snow White into eating a poisonous apple.


Um... weren't you just obsessing over being the fairest one of all? Why would you purposely make yourself ugly and creepy looking? Everyone knows if you really want a teenage girl to eat an apple, you change yourself into this:

Anyways, clearly the Queen has no brains. So the ugly witch travels down to the cottage to visit her lovely stepdaughter. Snow White, who clearly has no brains either, welcomes the witch into the cottage and totally believes the witch's spiel about her magic "wishing apple." This girl would totally be clicking ads all over the Internet if she lived in today's world. And so, Snow White takes a bite and collapses, cueing all the storm clouds to suddenly hover over the forest and cause a thunderstorm.

Meanwhile, the dwarves have been alerted by the animals of the Queen's menancing advances towards Snow White, and the final showdown begins. Once again, we are shown that Snow White was not born with a brain, because the dwarves, who have never even met her stepmother before, instantly realize that the nasty old lady is the Queen. And so they chase the old hag up a cliff; the witch comes up with a clever plan about mowing down the dwarves with a boulder and starts cackling her head off when a lightning bolt strikes the edge of the cliff, causing the witch to tumble to her demise.

The dwarves, who cannot bear to bury Snow White, decide to keep her in a glass coffin where she will obviously still look very beautiful as she decomposes. Of course, this doesn't occur to the dwarves, and they don't suspect anything when Snow White continues to look exactly the same for two seasons and no foul odors begin to stink up the forest.

And then, guess who pops up for the second time in the movie?

Yum. And so the necrophiliac Prince returns on his white horse. Naturally, he walks over to the coffin and kisses the girl who has supposedly been dead for months, and then he bows his head in a gesture of grief.

But lo and behold, it is a magic wishing apple after all! Snow White flutters her eyelashes and awakes. Without a word, the prince picks up his new prize and, with the blessings of the animals and the dwarves, carries her off into the sunset on his white horse. And of course, they live happily ever after, and little girls everywhere begin to believe that being a damsel in distress is the right way to go.

Which I find incredibly misguided. Firstly, the Prince is hardly a hero in this story. You know who's the hero here? The thunderbolt that hit the cliff and indirectly killed the Queen. Score for Mother Nature. The dwarves set a bad example to parents who leave their children at home unattended, and I would hardly call kissing a girl while she's sleeping a heroic act.

Alright, I'm sure some people who love this story are probably pissed and accusing me of taking fairytales too seriously. But I do give credit where it's due, and I give credit to Snow White and the Seven Dwarves for being the first animated feature film from Disney and for paving the way to much better movies like Beauty and the Beast.

And now, I should REALLY get back to work.

Sophelia's Weekly Five, Edition I

Guess who's back?

Back again?
Sophelia's back.
Tell a friend.

WHOOOOOOOO

So it's been more than a week since I last wrote on here. Eight days to be precise. Yes, I finally stuck my nose to the grindstone, or whatever the silly saying is, and updated EP. Personally, it was a rather boring chapter in my opinion, but at least it's taken care of.

So what else have I done in my absence? Other than realize just how addicted I am to blogging, I have discovered many wonders in this world. Allow me to present...

Sophelia's Weekly Five, Edition I
(I think this might become a weekly thing from now on. But we shall see.)

1. Are some people doomed to never get the girl/guy?
Yeah yeah, I know people like to believe that there's a soulmate out there for everybody. But the cynical side of me has the feeling that there's always going to be somebody who for whatever reason keeps watching them get away. Is it because they have a horrible personality? Or because they just look like one?

Why did I suddenly start thinking about this? Well, I watched The Notebook for the first time last Saturday night. It's not a bad movie, I'll at least give it that. But guess who I saw?


Why, it's Lon Hammond Jr! The poor dashing Southern aristocrat who gets dumped for a farm boy! But wait a second... doesn't he look a little familiar?

Richard White of Superman Returns

Prince Edward of Enchanted

Hold on a second. How come in every movie I've seen with James Marsden in it, HE NEVER GETS THE GIRL? He's not ugly. It's not like a girl would wake up one morning and scream at the sight of his face. Granted, I haven't watched very many movies, but don't you think three movies is kinda telling? In the first place, the only reason Lon probably lost out to Noah was a case of bad timing. Hey, if Noah's picture had never made the newspaper, who knows what would have happened?

Oh, and don't bother trying to argue that Richard White gets the girl (aka Kate Bosworth as Lois Lane) in Superman Returns. Richard White's story is even more sad than Lon Hammond's. Think about. You're engaged to a girl who's still in love with a freaking alien! And not just any tentacled slimy thing. This is Superman, the guy whose hair remains curled even after he nearly drowns in the ocean! And just how the heck are you supposed live up to the expectations of your alien-human-hybrid stepson?

Anyways. If it weren't for the fact that James Marsden is in real life happily married with two children, he probably would have achieved idol status among the rest of us who spend Valentine's drowning out the sorrows of a single lifestyle with a pint of Ben & Jerry's and television reruns.

2. What's the appropriate age difference for sharing a kiss?
As you'll probably discover, I've spent a lot of my time recently catching up on movies. So what's the next film in line? NO. IT CAN'T BE!!


Yes, I admit. I watched Another Cinderella Story last night on ABC Family. About two hours of cheesy goodness. Forget about Cheez-its. This is "The Big Cheese."

Now, I don't know if you have heard (because it didn't even occur to me until I started reading comments on Youtube videos), but apparently there have been people protesting the age difference between Selena Gomez and Drew Seeley. Because supposedly, Selena Gomez is sixteen and Drew Seeley is twenty-six.

Wait a second. What the hell is the problem? Does Drew Seeley even look any older than twenty-five to you? This guy filled in for Zac Efron in all those High School Musical live performances... and Efron's what, twenty-one? If Seeley is believable as a high school champion basketball player (cue long loud laugh), wouldn't he be ten times more believable as a young showbiz star who can sing and dance?

Oh, I see. People are getting all squeamish because Gomez and Seeley share a kiss at the end of the movie. You can hardly even call it a kiss, since the camera immediately pans over to another side of the stage the instant their lips connect.

So what's the appropriate age difference for kissing? The way I see it, age doesn't matter until I start wincing and have to fight the urge to burrow my head into a pillow. I mean really, why are people making a commotion about a ten year age difference that probably looks only half that amount? What about the lip lock between Ben Kingsley (then aged 63) and Mary-Kate Olsen (then aged 21) in The Wackness? Or how about Sienna Miller (then aged 26) and Steve Buscemi (then aged 50, but looked at least 60) in Interview? Pick your battles, people.

Well, maybe I'm so unbothered by the pairing of Selena and Drew because I loved this scene:



3. Is this what it feels like if you're sitting in a movie theater and suddenly realize that somebody made a movie about your life... and they don't even know you?
So once upon a time, there was a girl named Sophelia. Long story short, she wrote a blog with the half-hearted hope of having the right person stumbling upon her posts. Well, just a week ago she shut the book cover to that story and effectively ended all hope of having her half-hearted dream come true.

Coincidentally, she decided to look at J'nette's blogroll, and guess what she found? A blog titled I Wrote This For You with a title description below stating, "I need you to understand something. I wrote this for you. I wrote this for you and only you. Everyone else who reads this, doesn't get it. They may think they get it, but they don't. This is the sign you've been looking for. You were meant to read these words."

First she stared. Then she reread again just to make sure she hadn't been hallucinating. Then she read the posts. Reading them made her feel a little happy and sad at the same time -- happy because each post was so succinctly beautiful, sad because she felt completely inferior to the genius author who had basically described her Internet life with 567 posts.

Seriously, go check it out. It is amazing.

4. Episode 1 of Dr. Subconscience
So as I have mentioned before, G bought me an illustrated dream dictionary for Christmas, probably so I would stop harrassing her with all my crazy accounts of my morbid subconscious storytelling. Well, as an experiment, today I will divulge the latest morbid installment from Sophelia's subconscience and then analyze it with my handy dandy dictionary. It's showtime!

Dr. Subconscience: Allo everyun! Velcome to my show! So, Sopheliah, tell me. Vat new un crazy dream do you have for me today?

Sophelia: I can only remember parts of it, but I remember I was hiding in a small cramped shack in the shady part of some downtown area. A group of us were trying to escape from some evil group -- I don't even remember why we were running away from them, but all I know is that they were the bad guys. I was hiding under a wooden bench with another guy dressed up in a strange orange Big Bird costume, when two of the bad guys came in and caught us hiding under the bench. They forced us out and one of them had to hold Big Bird down. The other had to report to their headquarters about the catch, but that meant he could no longer hold me down.

So as as soon as I had the opportunity, I bolted out of the shack and into another building not too far from the shack. I knew instinctively that somebody was chasing me, but I didn't dare look back. I darted into random doors everywhere, somehow managing to make it to the top floor. There, strangely enough, was a gift shop with a view of the city, selling regular tourist junk and some stuffed animals. The clerk, who was apparently on our side, told me I would be safe here for awhile. Eventually, G, Gov. J, C, S, J, and Rogue somehow managed to meet up with me at the gift shop, and they quickly informed me that a team of the bad guys were getting very close to our location. The clerk pointed at a hallway near the gift shop and told us we should be fine if we hide in the very last room down the hall.

So my friends and I hid inside what turned out to be an extremely messy bedroom. I guess we thought we were safe because whenever we played hide-and-seek when we were young, the parents' bedrooms were always off-limits. Anyways, so we could barely find a place to hide when the door busted open and a team of twelve-year-old boys leapt into the room and started yelling out threats while waving their tiny guns around. Alas, they were too stupid to simply lift off the bedsheet and find all seven of us hiding underneath, so as soon as we heard their feral cries echoing down the hall, we snuck out of the room and darted to the next room, which turned out to be a giant aquatics center. Only it felt more like an empty aquarium than an aquatics center. We leapt into the drained water polo pool, which literally was just a gigantic empty aquarium. Thinking nobody was going to find us there, we sat inside and tried coming up with escape plans.

But for some strange reason, our location had been discovered again, and we heard the thundering noises of the bad guys as they stampeded up the stairs to the highest floor of our building. Thinking fast, we built a human pyramid so that I could reach the window right above us. I pulled down the window but soon realized that none of us would be able to fit through the frame. So instead, I forced the window to open upwards and then ripped apart the window screen with my hands and teeth. Yeah, it hurt my teeth. For some reason, the water polo players had left some towels and pieces of cloth in the "pool", so my friends and I each grabbed a cloth and leapt out of the building as if we were using parachutes. For some strange reason, we were still be able to drift downwards like dandelion seeds despite the fact that gliding down with such dinky pieces of cloth would have been aerodynamically impossible.

And I don't remember very much after that, only that thanks to our stunning escape from the water polo pool, we were able to avoid the bad guys and continue running away.

Dr. Subconscience: Vell, Sopheliah. Good news: a comfortable old age is forecast for you if you are chased in a dream. The fact that your dream took place in a big city shows you have big ideals. The old dilapidated building -- the shack -- is a sign to start saving for the rainy days ahead, and the color orange you saw at the beginning of your dream is an omen of unusually great success. The strange bedroom is a sign of a change for the better. The toothache you developed after ripping apart the screen with your teeth suggests that you are not happy about a certain situation. Freefalling with the parachute, since it vas used successfully in your dream, is a sign that your love life will run smoothly. Seeing others falling is also a sign that you can count on promotion at work. Oh, and those boys you saw chasing you with guns? It's a sure sign that you're not really in love with your partner.

Sophelia: ... But this is all so vague. All you've told me is that I'm not happy with my current situation, and good times are coming soon, but I have to make sure to save for a rainy day? And how is my love life supposed to be running smoothly if I'm not really in love with my non-existent partner to begin with?

Dr. Subconscience: Ah, only the future can tell. Go to sleep and come visit me again tomorrow.

5. Anyone else have the urge to watch the "classic" Star Wars episodes (IV, V, VI)?
I happened to watch Episode IV and half of Episode V on the television last week. I was probably way too young the last time I watched them, because I felt as if I had never watched the films before in my life. Personally, Han Solo beats Luke Skywalker any day in my book. Harrison Ford was fiiiinne back in the day. I'm not surprised Harrison Ford become a superstar and now hardly anybody knows who Mark Hamill is.


Seriously. If he didn't end up with Leia at the end of the trilogy, I probably would have destroyed something.

And as a parting note, I have included two last Youtube clips of the lovely Leia and Han pairing. Haha they crack me up.





And that's all for Sophelia's Weekly Five, Edition I!