IF I STAY Movie Trailer

I don't think I ever reviewed If I Stay or Where She Went by Gayle Forman on this blog. For the record, those are two of my favorite YA books of all time. And to prove that point--yes, I own physical copies of both books. Bittersweet tragedy? Check. A family story at heart? Check. A high school love that revolves around music, featuring a classical cellist and a rock musician? Check. I didn't cry reading If I Stay, but that one definitely needs to come with a warning label for waterworks.

When I heard they were making a movie based on If I Stay, I didn't have much of a reaction, to be honest. As someone who generally prefers the book version over its film counterpart, I wasn't exactly squealing with joy at the news.

Then, I saw some photo stills from the set and felt strange about the casting of Jamie Blackley as Adam. I'd pictured Adam very differently in my head.

(Note: I have a soft spot for Adam because of Where She Went -- and not because I'm like one of those Team Edward groupies who's madly in love with a fictional character. If you've read Where She Went, you know what I mean.)

Then, I heard about Chloe Grace Moretz's backhanded comments on young adult literature in an If I Stay promotional interview, and I felt rather angry about it.

Then, I watched this trailer and all the negative feelings melted away, and I remembered why I loved the book so damn much. And also, I eat my words about Jamie Blackley, because at the moment when he says "It's too late. I see you" in the trailer, all these feels started bubbling up inside of me because dude, HE IS TOTALLY ADAM AND I JUST WANT TO GIVE HIM A HUG. And also, whenever that "Say Something" song pops up on the car radio, my roommate and I always make fun of it for being so weepy (not a weekend-road-trip-anthem or Monday-grocery-run-song in the slightest), but whoever made this trailer is a freaking artiste, because he/she managed to use this song in a way that not only did not have me rolling my eyes, but it actually made me feel something like sadness.

Anyways, point is -- I love this trailer. I still have my reservations about how this movie is going to turn out, but this trailer is definitely making a strong case for it.

Musings on Anastasia

https://novoed.com/creativity-music

Well, I just signed up for one of those free online courses at Stanford. It's called Creativity: Music to My Ears, and I really have no clue what it's gonna be like, but the fact that people like Mike Shinoda, Lily Allen, and Tegan & Sara are involved has piqued my interest. Haven't decided if I'm going to audit the course or not, but chances are I'll make an effort to actually be an active student. Plus, I'm really curious how the team projects will work, since people from all over the world are taking this class. Obviously I happen to have a lot of free time which is not the case for most people, but if someone is also bored and looking for something to do, come join me! The class starts tomorrow and lasts for six weeks.

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So I made an indulgent purchase last night. I found the DVD for Anastasia at Target for five dollars. It was the cheapest looking DVD cover I'd ever seen; the print quality was terrible and Dimitri looked like he'd gotten a bad nose job. But five dollars for my favorite childhood movie on DVD? I'll take it. Plus, my roommate had never seen the movie before, so obviously I needed to enlighten her on how incomplete her childhood was.

This is NOT the DVD cover I got. I have no clue why they couldn't just stick to the perfectly good VHS cover. A decade later, and I'm still digging Anya's WTF face, which perfectly encapsulates the batshittery she puts up with.

A brief history on my relationship to Anastasia.
This is the movie equivalent to Ella Enchanted in terms of how it's irrevocably nestled into the fibers of my childhood and thus my entire being, and how if anyone tries to diss it, the little girl in me WILL CUT YOU.

It's more tempered now that I'm old and financially independent and whatnot, but when I was a kid, if I became obsessed with something, I WENT ALL OUT. During my Sailor Moon phase in kindergarten, I had a Sailor Moon towel, Sailor Moon bookbag, Sailor Moon sneakers, a Sailor Moon t-shirt, two Sailor Moon dolls (Moon and Venus), and probably more stuff I can't even remember anymore. When Anastasia came out in 1997, I watched this movie in theaters, then later received the VHS as a present from my parents and watched it a billion times after that. For Christmas, I received an Anastasia doll--the one wearing the pale yellow dream sequence dress. For Valentine's Day, I gave out store-bought Anastasia-themed valentine cards. For my birthday, my mother let me pick out an Anastasia music box---and to this day, I still regret my brainlessness in picking out one of the most boring music boxes in the store instead of the highly-sought replica of the very important music box from the movie. What was I thinking? I have no idea.

At some point, the obsession died down and gave way to something else, though I can't remember what. Might have been The Parent Trap featuring Lindsay Lohan, because I also rewatched the crap out of that one as well. Anyways, for a long while I didn't watch it again until I think 2012, when E came over and I realized another poor soul had never seen the movie in her life.

Thoughts from 2014
So I did watch this movie relatively recently (in the last two years), but last night I tried to watch a little more critically and judge whether or not nostalgia was a key factor to my adoration.

Thanks to my American public high school education, I was more knowledgeable this time around about the history behind the Russian Revolution, especially the Romanov family and Rasputin. So that first scene of the revolution was just a wee bit uncomfortable to watch. But overall, the historical inaccuracies aren't very detracting once the story kicks off--you've just gotta think of it as a fairy tale that takes place in a quasi-historical setting.

My overall conclusion from last night's viewing--I won't call it the greatest animated movie ever, but goshdarnit, I am not embarrassed that I still like this movie. And here's how I break it down:

Sophelia's Recipe for Movie Instalove

A: What? Hey - why are you circling me? What were you, a vulture in another life?

1) Fiery heroine tells it like it is. I've always been drawn to the spunky heroines, and Anastasia is no exception. She and Dimitri get off on the wrong foot from the very beginning, which leads to some of the funniest banter in the movie.

Dimitri: Look I think we got off on the wrong foot.
Anastasia: Well, I think we did, too. But, I appreciate your apology.
Dimitri: Who said anything about an apology? I was just saying that...
Anastasia: Please don't talk anymore, it's only going to upset me.

Anastasia: [after waking up, flailing her arm and smacking Dimitri in the nose] Oh, sorry. I thought you were someone el - oh, it's you. Well, that's okay, then.

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Quite possibly my favorite sequence in the whole movie.

 2) Pretty dresses and fancy parties. This was obviously more important to me when I was a wee lass, but there's a reason why my second-favorite scene in Ella Enchanted is still the part when she goes to the last masquerade ball. (It's not the first-favorite because nothing can surpass the scene when she finally breaks the curse. NOTHING, I TELL YOU.)

All of Anastasia's dresses in this movie are gorgeous and, most importantly, SO SHINY. I can't even pick a favorite because she looks great in everything. My favorite scene, though, is probably when the dream sequence in the old palace when the dancing ghosts come out of the wall and the ballroom comes back to life.

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3) Put that soundtrack on replay. I have an unabashed fondness for musicals, whether animated or theatrical; however, my love depends a lot on how many songs end up on my playlist to be played over and over again. The Phantom of the Opera, Spring Awakening, and Beauty & the Beast rank very highly with me because I can listen to their soundtracks over and over again without skipping; as a counter example, there are really only two or three songs from Wicked that I like.

With animated movies, I weigh story more heavily over soundtrack, but good songs make a big difference. This might sound blasphemous (and may also be influenced by the nostalgia factor), but I actually prefer the Anastasia soundtrack over the most recent success story, Frozen. Months since I watched Frozen in theaters, I don't listen to any of the tracks much anymore. I actually didn't love "Let it Go" like everyone and their mothers; my favorite was "For the First Time in Forever." I was rather ambivalent about the other tracks. With Anastasia, I have quite a few favorites but once or twice a year, I will go through a phase and listen to "At the Beginning" over and over and over again.

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Anastasia = more than just about getting the dude at the end

4) Heroine's Journey. This is a little less straightforward than the other points, but I'll attempt to explain--once again, by referring to Ella Enchanted.

Ella Enchanted and Anastasia are both rooted in the traditional fairy tale formula, but they're more than your typical cardboard story where the end-all is marriage. Sure, I'll admit the respective love interests are both probably up there on my list of swoonworthy fictional characters (not that I actually made such a list or anything... cough), but when you look at the character motivations, that's where you get the meat of what I'm talking about. Ella and Anastasia aren't looking for love; the ultimate goal is not marriage.

Ella wants to break her curse, and her whole arc is built on this motivation. Her romance is woven into this arc because ultimately, she is only able to break the curse to protect Char--even though it means giving up a future with him. Anastasia wants to know who she really is and find the one thing she's never had--family. Dimitri plays a different role in Anastasia's arc, in that he ultimately forces her final choice. By the end of the movie, Anastasia knows who she is. The goal of finding family, however, takes on a different turn. The last decision she's faced with: stay with her grandmother (her last living relative) and live as royalty, or start a new family by eloping with Dimitri (who, as a former servant-boy and renowned conman, is below her royal station) and presumably give up the world of fancy dresses and balls. So yes, you can argue that ultimately it's another whoopdeedoo-marriage-ever-after ending, but I'd counter with the argument that choosing to be with Dimitri was the last step in Anastasia's journey to attain her goal.

*You could actually do this heroine motivation analysis on all the other Disney heroines, and the results might surprise you. I got the idea from this one article I read which argued that Frozen isn't actually the great feminist movie it's hailed to be. I didn't agree with everything the author said, but I thought her motivation analysis of Anna and Elsa was on point. Most Disney princesses actually have pretty clear goals in their story arcs (usually they even sing about it: Belle wants "more than this provincial life"; Ariel wants to be "part of [the human] world"; Rapunzel wants to "see the glowing lanterns gleam", etc.). Could you state Anna and Elsa's goals as clearly? In my opinion, not really. Which might explain why I didn't love the movie as much as everyone else. In fact, this recipe thing I've just written pretty much spells out why I didn't fall in love with Frozen:

1) Heroine: Anna falls under the somewhat-ditzy category of heroine that I've never felt much of a kinship towards (see: Ariel of The Little Mermaid). Elsa's just kind of a wet blanket. Who sends a snow monster after your own sister??
2) Pretty dresses and stuff: Okay, I'm one of the people who actually did like Elsa's "Let It Go" transformation, so I'll give Frozen points for that.
3) Music: As explained previously, wasn't quite up to par for my tastes.
4) Heroine's Journey: Ditto.

Look at Me Now

Holy kleenex batman, this girl freaking kills it!! So flipping awesome.

I loled.

WHIP YO HAIR GURL

I love this bird.

SPAZZZ

Holy crap. Holy crap. Holy crap. Holy crap.

The Ecstasian Phantom got nominated under the "Most Memorable" fiction category for SKoW.

For those of you who don't know what Some Kind of Wonderful (SKoW) is, it's a well-known awards site (at least in the fictionpress community) for fictionpress stories. All those stories that kept me up all night back when I was in middle school and early high school? Yup, those were some of the ones that have been crowned winners. I don't know how popular SKoW is with the fictionpress community now, but back in the day (oh man, more than five years ago) it was a BIG DEAL. These were the stories that got elevated into the spotlight, that everybody talked about (and that, unfortunately, suddenly became targets of Internet plagiarism).

To tell you the truth, I am utterly shocked and sheepish that it's been nominated, considering I haven't updated the story in almost a year. And I know exactly who nominated my story for the award. And the fact that I am utterly embarrassed about the current state of that story on the Internet, because it's now a big chopped-up revised (and hopefully much improved) mess offline.

AHHHHHH. I AM SO PSYCHED. AND EMBARRASSED.

inhale. exhale.

okay, back to taking notes on virology.
spazzzzzzzzzzzzz

//EDIT//

lol. I've been so detached from the online world (with the exception of this blog and Facebook) that I'm already feeling old. I think youth is when you can check all your favorite sites every five minutes and know exactly what's going on.

So after my exhausting day (I hate Mondays) involving two biology lectures plus working in a lab for the rest of the afternoon -- I finally checked the SKoW link to see what's up. It turns out my story was nominated months ago (whoops!) and the winners were already announced... last week? Haha. Needless to say, EP didn't win -- which shouldn't be a surprise to anybody, considering how neglected that story is. In fact, if it weren't for my critique partner, I probably would never have learned about the nomination at all.

NEVERTHELESS I am still pretty exuberant about this whole business. Because IN SPITE of the fact that I am the worst updater ever who has probably alienated her entire former fanbase, my utterly neglected brainchild still managed to beat out tons of other entries to garner a SKoW nomination (because yes, "Most Memorable" is a very competitive category), I can literally feel my body surging with this insane desire to just write write and write.

Unfortunately, the fact that I have two midterms next Monday and two consecutive papers due in that same week is being a complete killjoy at the moment.

Anyways, here is one of the pretty graphics I now have bragging rights for -- one of the trophies, I suppose, for this strange saga:

Street Fighter

This kiddo is gonna be badass like me when she grows up.

Sophelia's Top Five: Literary Male Leads

I don't know why -- perhaps it's the lack of having anything to occupy my time with besides spending it with my significant other (read: Organic Chemistry II textbook), but I have become an avid reader of blogs. You thought I was a religious blog follower before? I practically have a list of ten or so blogs I check daily -- and I'm still searching for more, since not all of them update every day. My latest favorite is http://www.foreveryoungadult.com, a blog written by adults who love reading YA. I don't really follow it so much for the YA, but the hilariousness of the posts keep me laughing. I don't even remember how I first found the page -- all I know is that I clicked on a link somewhere and ended up on FYA's Twilight Drinking Game page...

Score One for FYA.

Today, I spent more than an hour reading all the Twilight tagged posts on FYA, featuring a hearty amount of sparkly vampire bashing -- which led me to a ton of other hilarious Twilight-bashing links. One of which listed 34 reasons why the New Moon movie is better than the book (which was probably actually only 30, given how many times they repeated Jacob's abs). This reason however, was one of my favorites:

“Before you, Bella, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars –points of light and reason….And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by light. I couldn’t see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything.”

"The movie, thank god, dispenses with most speeches like this."

Stephenie Meyer? Could you come over and help me wipe the vomit off my keyboard? K thanks.

I don't know. Edward just doesn't do it for me. Neither does Jacob, despite his abs. And while I like to laugh at the expense of the Twi-hards like everyone else, you might say I'm hypocritical because I've had my own obsessions with fictional characters. So now I've decided to conveniently compile a list for y'all; R-Patz I'm looking at YOU. If you want to win over girls like me who are the epitome of cool, outside of the hormonal tween/teen demographic (though technically I'm still a teen, and in reality there are soccer moms out there who love you for reasons I cannot imagine), you need to learn from these five gentlemen I've picked out to teach you a lesson on how to be a swoon-worthy male lead, and not some sick and abusive sparkly popsicle.

NOTE: To simplify things, I only considered characters from books and did not consider any Disney characters. That would have been a different list entirely. And also, this list is entirely subjective (based on characters I've had crushes on in my nineteen years of life) and was created while I was half paying attention in class today. So please feel free to drop any names if I've forgotten anybody swoonworthy -- though chances are, if I didn't add famous names like Rhett Butler, Heathcliff, or Rochester, chances are I haven't read the book or I read it too long ago to remember the character very well.

ALSO: I am not including pictures because these guys look fifty times better in my head than any picture you might find on the Internet. Yes, allow me to remain blissfully delusional.

FINALLY: Before you all go apeshit (yes! I've been dying to use that word! AHEM.. anyways...) on me about why I haven't included Darcy, here's why -- I've never been attracted to him at all. He is infinitely better than Bingley, who is spineless puppet, but I still think Sophelia + Darcy would be a Bad Romance with a GAGA OOH LALA. Ahem. And now, without further ado:

Sophelia's Top Five: Swoon-worthy Literary Male Leads

5. Prince Charmont from Ella Enchanted

Intro: Char and I first met when I was a fourth grader doing a book report, and my mother made me read this book by Gail Carson Levine that she'd bought from the school book orders. (GOD I loved those things! They need like a college edition or something.) Never really liked princes until I came across Char, which I suppose is evidence that I really am a girl which makes him my obligatory prince crush to cover up the fact that I never had a crush on any of the Disney princes as a kid.

The Hook: Okay, being a prince is part of it. But not only that, Char is kind and thoughtful and chivalrous without acting patronizing and misogynistic. How many guys do you know will give you a centaur as a gift the second time you meet him? Not only that, he'd totally appreciate my whacked out sense of humor. Not only would we slide down banisters together in his royal palace, he'd probably laugh at all my stupid jokes.

What Edward Could Learn From Him: Dear sir, if you are so strongly attracted to a girl, there is no need to do stupid things like leave her mysteriously and then let her get all suicidal and psycho and then when you mistakenly believe she's dead, you threaten to commit suicide by revealing your sparkling glory to the world. Char loved Ella right from the start, and he never left a doubt about it. Girls like me can't stand flirting games with all those rules about signaling or playing hard to get and whatnot -- we are too oblivious for that sort of crap, so don't pull an Edward and start flipping out when we sit next to you in Biology.

4. Laurie from Little Women

Intro: Oh, Laurie. I threw a fit when Jo rejected your marriage proposal, and then I threw an even bigger fit when you went ahead and married Amy. Honestly, if I get to write a sequel to Little Women, ignoring the fact that Louisa May Alcott has already written one, I'm going to maroon you and Jo on a secluded tropical island where you two engage in a clandestine extramarital love affair filled with epic adventures such as staging wickedly awesome plays starring the island natives. I don't care much for Fritz, and Amy can go bugger off. (Really, I don't know if I could ever forgive someone who throws my unfinished novel in a fire... even if she were my sister.)

The Hook: Laurie would be a blast to hang out with. He'd act out all the stupid stories I write, and we'd have the time of our lives coming up with crazy things to do. Besides, did you know Christian Bale played him in the 1994 movie version? As in, He-Who-Has-One-of-My-Favorite-Voices-Ever Christian Bale? Sa-woooon.

What Edward Could Learn From Him: Gee Edward, how would we spend our down time together? Gazing lustfully at each other in the forest? I can't keep up with vampire baseball when all you guys are ridiculously athletic, and I don't think you watching me sleep every night counts as quality time together. Find some hobbies, dude.

3. Wes Baker from The Truth About Forever

Intro: Since high school, I've read my fair share of Sarah Dessen books, but Wes takes the cake -- hands down. Though I liked Dexter's personality, for some reason I never pictured him as particularly physically attractive in my mind, and I wasn't fond of Owen's patronizing views on music at all. Not only is Wes supposed to be ridiculously gorgeous (with a badass tattoo!), more importantly he is artistic, understanding, and patient, and get this -- he can totally relate to the female lead, Macy.

The Hook: Honestly, what more do I need to say other than the fact that he is the original SA-WOON? Not only that, I completely respect this honorable guy -- not only does he break-up with his girlfriend before trying to start anything with Macy, he also doesn't act like a complete asshole after Macy rejects him and instead chooses Jason, who is the most ridiculously pathetic and clueless boyfriend in literary existence -- by that point, I wanted to smack Macy upside on the head and steal Wes for myself. HELLO? JASON OVER THE ORIGINAL SA-WOON? WOMAN, ARE YOU MAD? If I were Wes, I'd probably spiral into depression wondering how in the world I lost to that pansy.

What Edward Could Learn from Him: Despite the fact that Wes is supposed to be undeniably gorgeous, that's not what makes him the Original Sa-woon in the hearts of many. Wes is empathetic. That scene when he holds Macy in the hospital when she breaks down after she remembers how her father died? Classic. All those scenes where Wes and Macy talk openly about their secrets to each other through the Truth game? Even better. How much do you really know about Bella? How many times have you two actually sat down and had a heart-to-heart without you telling her she's your morphine, your lamb, your blah blah blah? If you REALLY knew her, you would have known she'd gone apeshit (YES!) after you broke up with her -- because she apparently literally cannot function without you.

2. Ren Honjo from Nana

Intro: Okay, so I kind of stretched things a bit by considering Nana as a book. But really, how can I not include Ren? Discovering Nana and consequently Ren was probably one of the highlights of my high school experience. Where do you think I got the idea of Rhys from, huh? Not only that, I-who-never-cry-for-fictional-characters was on the brink of crying when Ren died. Say what?

The Hook: First of all, in general I like guys with short hair. Even if Takumi hadn't been a Grade A asshole, I would have never been able to get past the hair. Secondly, I love all things badass (coughT.O.P.cough), and if Ren existed in real life, I'd have a hard time picking between a champion of badassery between T.O.P. and Ren. I love T.O.P.'s voice, but Ren and the guitar? Oh lord. And sure, Ren and Nana's love for each other is bordering on psychotic possessiveness, but you still have to admire the guy who is still so madly in love with a girl he hasn't seen or heard from in years. Think about it -- a rock star of Ren's caliber would be surrounded by adoring fans and fawning groupies and beautiful celebrities -- and he still remained infatuated with the girl he left behind when he went to pursue his dreams? That is IMPRESSIVE, good sir.

What Edward Could Learn from Him: Want to be dark and badass? Take some notes on this guy.

1. Gilbert Blythe from Anne of Green Gables

Intro: I loved Anne Shirley. She was funny, imaginative, and smart; I wanted to be her best friend. So the fact that Gilbert Blythe is my favorite character in the book means you can imagine just how supremely awesome and godlike he is to be able to top Anne Shirley. Gilbert has been, and always will be, my number one literary crush.

The Hook: Oh lord, I could sing praises for this guy all day. Not only is Gilbert handsome (tall, dark hair, gray eyes) and smart (he and Anne were always vying to be the top of the class) and maybe even a little cocky at first, he is so genuine. He makes the mistake of calling Anne "Carrots" on the first day and gets a slate broken over his head, but instead of denying any wrong doing (well, maybe not at first), he really tries to be make amends with Anne. That scene where her boat sinks and Gilbert rescues her? Oh, you have no idea how badly I wanted to chuck the wooden panels of the rotting boat at her when she refused Gilbert's request to give up old grudges and be friends. And have I mentioned that he's selfless? Gilbert gave up a teaching job that was closer to home and recommended Anne to the employers, so that she could take care of Marilla without having to give up Green Gables. AND he's a doctor? WHERE ARE ALL THE GILBERT BLYTHES IN THIS WORLD? Or, more importantly: WHERE'S MINE?

What Edward Could Learn From Him: Edward, if you could dye your hair black, wear grey color contacts, and be smart and accomplished AND treat your girl as your intellectual and social equal, then you might actually have a chance to be on my Top Five, but there's no way in hell you're getting anywhere near Gilbert.

Oh dear. This list took longer than I expected. Honorable Mentions include Dickon from The Secret Garden, Mr. Knightley from Emma, and George Cooper from The Song of the Lioness quartet.

GMH & MMT

I was never particularly fond of fmylife.com. It's a little sadistic, taking pleasure out of someone's misery. I never jumped onto the My Life is Average (MLIA) bandwagon either. It was just that -- average.

Someone showed me GivesMeHope.com the other day. They call it FML for Optimists in the byline. I love it. Some of them are happy; others are bittersweet. Some of them are so fairytale-cute that they make me wonder if they're fictional, or if they actually happened in people's lives.

But I don't really care if they're real or not. I don't think it matters at all. There's so much crap and hatred in this world that I can still give kudos to someone who invents a short story that brightens my day.

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// edit //
Thanks to Astrid, makesmethink.com is now my preferred method of procrastination. I agree with Astrid -- some of the ones on GMH are too sappy for my tastes. But I think I'm still a sucker for bittersweet tragedy. Here are some I picked out:

Today, I was looking through the Facebook remembrance groups of two people that died from my high school. The girl was sweet, smart, quiet and unpopular. She was killed by a drunk driver. The guy was inconsiderate, rude and popular. He was the drunk driver. His group has 602 members. Hers has 48. MMT

Today in downtown San Diego, I watched a blue collar Mexican man get harassed for being Mexican. It was a blatant act of discrimination. And the man actually began crying. As he left the office building, he took off his jacket. His t-shirt underneath read, "I love the USA!" MMT

Today, after I watched my dog get run over by a car, I sat on the side of the road holding him and crying. And just before he died, he licked the tears off my face. MMT

Today, after a 72 hour shift at the fire station, a woman ran up to me at the grocery store and gave me a hug. When I tensed up, she realized I didn’t recognize her. She let go with tears of joy in her eyes and the most sincere smile and said, “On 9-11-2001, you carried me out of the World Trade Center.” MMT

Today, at 3:40PM in my San Diego home, I put a gun to my head. Just as I pulled the trigger the ground began violently shaking from an earthquake. I lost my balance, the gun went off, but the bullet missed my body entirely. Tonight, I threw the gun in the ocean. MMT

Today, I wondered if the thousand unsaid "I love you’s" that I've kept to myself recently might actually be better than confessing out loud that I’m still in love with you. MMT

Sophelia's Weekly Five, Edition IV

Hello, good friends. I know I've been neglecting this blog quite a bit, but considering how my GPA seems to be rutted in an unending downward slide, blogging and writing have clearly taken a backseat -- no, trunk seat -- in my priorities.

Having said that, I'm still going to most likely waste a good deal of time writing this post.

Sophelia's Weekly Five, Edition IV

1. Spring Awakening = Awesomesauce

Yeah, we're pretty fly.

In spite of the fact that there is literally nothing to do in Durham, I am actually quite pleased with the fact that DPAC is close enough to the university that quite often the university actually buys the tickets for us to watch shows at DPAC. And so, just last week yours truly had the opportunity to attend the opening night of Spring Awakening at DPAC without paying a penny (... okay, ignore the 50k tuition bill).

Unlike the time I went to watch Phantom of the Opera at DPAC, when I the PotO maniac knew the lyrics to every song, I had the vaguest of expectations for Spring Awakening. The first time I ever heard of Spring Awakening, my good friend Astrid mentioned she was going to watch the performance by the all-boys high school in our area and she wondered aloud how in the world they were going to pull off the sex scene.

Well. So all I knew to expect was a sex scene. Of course, that really doesn't clear up anything either. You start asking yourself questions: how graphic is it going to be? Is it going to be vulgar? Artsy, with fancy lighting and shadows? Or as TA-DA! as Daniel Radcliffe reveling in his nude self in Equus (which I have not actually seen and am not exactly dying to do so)? While I enjoy watching musicals, I wasn't exactly jittery with excitement about this one -- unlike Phantom of the Opera or Wicked, I had no idea what the storyline was.

Well, I changed my mind the moment the schoolboys leapt off their chairs singing "The Bitch of Living", as pictured in the photo I have conveniently posted above. See that guy doing the air-splits on the right? Moritz was the definition of awesome possum. In the show I saw, he was played by this guy who is actually facebook friends with this girl from my high school (... yeah, I did a little facebook-stalking. You be quiet.) I wish I'd seen the original Broadway cast, just to see how how much better they could top off the cast I saw. Most of Moritz's songs were very rock-and-roll, and Moritz pulled it off with plenty off energy and swagger. It was brilliant. The leads were great as well. Melchior was played by Jake Epstein, who M was very excited to see because apparently he was pretty important in Degrassi (which I never watched and thus was indifferent about).

I have to admit that Spring Awakening was one of those plays I didn't really become that crazy about until I started listening to the soundtrack for hours nonstop as I studied for organic chemistry. Honestly, I like this musical a lot better than Wicked. I can listen to every single song on the soundtrack without skipping past; I can't say the same for Wicked -- I can listen to "Popular", "Defying Gravity", "Dancing Through Life", "I'm Not That Girl", "No Good Deed", "As Long as You're Mine", and "What is this Feeling" -- and pretty much everything else I just skip over instantly. I guess part of the reason is that Wicked is a very traditional kind of musical with the kind of saccharine "lesson-on-morality" flavor that I can't get used to, whereas Spring Awakening is rather dark and angry yet youthful and whimsical, ranging between haunting lyrical pieces and the explosive rock-and-roll numbers. My favorites? I'll listen to all of them, but I'm particularly fond of "The Dark I Know Well" (which is a rather disturbing one about sexual abuse), "Those You've Known", "Touch Me", "Totally Fucked", and pretty much everything where Moritz rocks it ("The Bitch of Living", "And Then There Were None", "Don't Do Sadness/Blue Wind"). The best scene, in my opinion, is the scene where Hanschen (if you've ever wondered what Malfoy would be like if he were gay, meet Hanschen) seduces Ernst with one of the best lines -- "Me? I'm like a pussycat. I just skim off the cream."

So what exactly is this play about? To sum it up in one word, Sex. But it's really more than that. It's about that liminal moment in a teenager's life where everything's changing, when you really realize the "bitch of living."

(Oh, and if you're wondering about the aforementioned sex scene, my seat was so high up on the balcony that I can't really give you any insight about how graphic it really was.)

2. Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

So I included a little excerpt of this lovely book about a year ago without having even read the book. I chuckled a polite little "Ha-ha" at the scene where Mrs. Long gets her head cracked like a walnut and then made no attempt to acquire an entire copy of the book. For one thing, I liked Pride and Prejudice perfectly fine without the zombies (which, on the contrary, I have never been crazy about), and secondly, having picked at the book's carcass for AP Lit to the point that I could name the estates and corresponding salaries of each character gave me no desire to revisit the novel -- even if it did have zombies thrown into the mix.

By chance, this book happened to be sitting in the New Book section of the public library last Sunday (my first day home for Spring Break), and so I decided to give it a try. It turned out to be much more amusing than I expected. While I wouldn't exactly hail it as a work of literary acclaim, it is quite interesting to see how Grahame-Smith weaves the zombie-ninja element throughout Austen's prose. Sometimes it works (e.g. Lady Catherine and her ninja cadre; Darcy's proposal and Elizabeth's hilariously violent reaction); sometimes it doesn't (e.g. Charlotte Lucas' ultimate fate). Besides, the ninja element is rather empowering for the female characters, such as the Bennet sisters and Lady Catherine, who are much better at zombie-fighting than say, Mr. Bingley or Wickham (whose fate at the hands of Mr. Darcy was much to my liking). If you're one of those purists who are horrified by the heathen mangling of Jane Austen's classic, then you'd best stay away. However, if you have a guilty fondness for good parodies (like yours truly), then this is your cup of tea. And now, to conclude by enticing you with some quotes from the book:

"Elizabeth and Darcy merely looked at one another in awkward silence, until the latter reached both arms around her. She was frozen -- "What does he mean to do?" she thought. But his intentions were respectable, for Darcy merely meant to retrieve his Brown Bess, which Elizabeth had affixed to her back during her walk. She remembered the lead ammunition in her pocket and offered it to him. 'Your balls, Mr. Darcy?' He reached out and closed her hand around them, and offered, 'They belong to you, Miss Bennet.'"

"Elizabeth sheathed her sword, knelt behind him, and strangled him to death with his own large bowel."

"'Have your ninjas left you?'
'We never had any ninjas.'
'No ninjas! How was that possible? Five daughters brought up at home without any ninjas! I never heard of such a thing. Your mother must have been quite a slave to your safety.'
Elizabeth could hardly help smiling as she assured her that had not been the case."

Speaking of parodies...

3. Nightlight

So I accompanied my mother to Barnes and Noble yesterday to buy Godiva chocolate for my tennis coach, and this book happened to catch my eye as I walked past the humongous stand of Twilight merchandise (because face it -- that's where B&N get most of their revenue from these days). I didn't get a chance to skim through it, but I managed to find an excerpt online that is too long for me to post here. However, I have to say I found the excerpt a little lackluster. Judging from critiques that have been floating around the Internet, the parody is amusing for awhile but quickly becomes just another shitty book. For your enjoyment, however, I will include this excerpt from the scene where Belle Goose first sets eyes on Edwart Mullen:

"It was then that I saw him. He was sitting at a table all by himself, not even eating. He had an entire tray of baked potatoes in front of him and still he did not touch a single one. How could a human have his pick of baked potatoes and resist them all? Even odder, he hadn't noticed me, Belle Goose, future Academy Award winner.

A computer sat before him on the table. He stared intently at the screen, narrowing his eyes into slits and concentrating those slits on the screen as if the only thing that mattered to him was physically dominating that screen. He was muscular, like a man who could pin you up against the wall as easily as a poster, yet lean, like a man who would rather cradle you in his arms. He had reddish, blonde-brown hair that was groomed heterosexually. He looked older than the other boys in the room - maybe not as old as God or my father, but certainly a viable replacement. Imagine if you took every woman's idea of a hot guy and averaged it out into one man. This was that man."

From what I've gathered reading around online, the basic premise is that Belle Goose is a ditzy, vampire-obsessed teenager who is convinced that the computer geek at school is a vampire and thus, she harasses him to make her his undead wife. I considered using my B&N gift card on this, but I think I'll wait for a better book to catch my eye. There's a much more hilarious Twilight parody here -- if this guy ever publishes it, I'd be much more willing to spend my gift card on this. With a synopsis like this, who wouldn't?

"In a sentence, this is a story about Bonita Ingénue a 15-year-old, misunderstood young woman who gets rescued from her provincial, boring life and whisked away to a fantastical world of exciting, sensual, magic and erotic, thick, penetrating whimsy. At the beginning of our tale, she leaves her hometown of Backstory, Massachusetts for the excitement and intrigue of Excitetrigue, Colorado. The kids at her new school are all impressed with how one dimensional and uninteresting she is and it’s only a matter of time before all of the popular boys ask her out on romantic dates in the hopes fingerblasting her. Even though Bonnie has her pick of the litter at school, she really has her heart set on Theo, the mysterious boy who lives just outside of town in Dragon Hills. Theo has feelings for Bonnie as well, but he also has a deep, dark secret. A deep, dark dragon secret. He is a dragon.

Bonnie accepts Theo for who he is and Theo appreciates how unobtrusive and malleable Bonnie is. Together, and against the wishes of Bonnie’s parents, they get into some pretty graphic dragon-fucking, and it’s a little bit weird, but beautiful if you just open your mind. Eventually Theo has to leave the town (I forget why) and Bonnie goes along with him and abandons her family (because if there’s anything Twilight tell us, it’s that chicks love sitting passively on the sidelines while violent, mysterious men make absolutely every important decision for them). There’s maybe a hunt at some point but otherwise most of the tail end of the book is more aggressive dragonhumping as Bonnie and Theo live out their days in Theo’s tower, blissfully unaware of the outside world as they enjoy a life that’s all sweat, asses and wings. You’ve heard of fire-breathing dragons, well, Theo is a desire-breathing dragon. (He also breathes fire.)"

4. Speaking of Twilight...


This was out a while ago, but I thought this was pretty fitting for those of you who hadn't seen this yet. I have to say, that first shot of Andy Samberg was fineeeee.

5. Alice in Wonderland

No, I have not watched this yet. But I have been following its production for nearly a year. You shall hear of my verdict after Friday... and most likely even later, depending on if I ever get around blogging again after this monstrous post. Critiques have been blah-blah-ing about this one, but Tim Burton is still king in my book regardless.

Alright. Hope that was a massive enough post to satisfy you all while I disappear until summer vacation. (Ha-ha! Yeah right, you blogging addict!)

Check-up

How am I? Tired, stressed, and busy. If you're feeling the same, maybe this will cheer you up. (Click to enlarge.)

Lacrymosa

On Being a Frigid Prude

I think there's something wrong with the fact that I am a happy loner. With all the rush events going on, I still have not attended a single one. So far, I've spent my evenings enjoying private time to write and occasionally chat with my roommates who have lately been disinclined to party (yes, even Marlowe who has changed drastically since her father passed away during the holidays).

Admittedly, my solitude isn't entirely by choice. I have always had trouble adjusting to social situations; I have many friends but no good friends whom I socialize with on a daily basis -- other than my roommates. I am disinclined to party, which is rare to see at Duke where parties are everywhere. (Though I have the sneaking suspicion that it's because I'll only party with close friends. I can easily picture myself going out on weekends with my high school friends, because I trust they won't let me do anything stupid and I can be my nutty self around them.) I am rather indifferent to drinking, and I am very resistant about subjecting myself to hook-up culture. I will admit that I met some friends at a club during orientation that I still talk to today -- so I will say it's a good way to socialize.

Ah, okay now I'm writing about four hours later. So the night wasn't totally bust -- hung out with my not-Marlowe roommate and some other kids in my dorm. And I was planning to write a long-ass post analyzing my repulsion towards going out, but I'm too sleepy. To tell you the truth, I don't think I don't go out because I think it's not fun or morally wrong or whatnot. I'm just afraid of... I don't know, doing something I'd regret, and thus I continue comfortably with being a prude.

My not-Marlowe roommate talks about meeting her future husband at Duke and getting married at the Chapel, whereas I can't even imagine myself in a relationship at all. I don't know -- I suppose it's one of those things: since it's never happened, you can't really imagine it. You know those "firsts" people always talk about? I don't have any first anything. Which is probably why I don't go out and subject myself to the hook-up culture -- because I, the traditionalist frigid prude, sure as hell does not want a first kiss or first dance or first whatever with an inebriated stranger whose face I can barely see in the darkness.

I think another contributing factor to this whole deal is the fact that I have been weaned off of fairy tales and teen romance stories and Asian dramas with impossibly gorgeous actors. I don't even need Twilight to serve me a picturesque Byronic hero a la Edward Cullen on a platter -- my ideals are already miles up into the clouds and reluctant to consort with mere mortals.

But anyways. I have remained untethered and unattached all my life, and like the lactose intolerant people who never know the taste of chocolate, I don't have the slightest clue of what I'm missing out on. Perhaps pathetically, I live through reading and writing in my own way.

So... I found this piece from deviantart on this blog that I found while browsing through Lookbook. I liked her fashion style and ended up reading a bunch of her blog posts. I'm reposting the deviantart piece here.

Good Thing We're Fools by Corina90

“I think I might love you.”

“I think that’s a stupid thing to say, why would you say something like that?”
“Because when you look at me my toes curl and my stomach flutters.”
“Is that a quote from a book?”
“No. I don’t think so. I don’t know. It all gets a little mixed up sometimes.”
“So you love me like they love in books.”
“Question or statement?”
“Your choice.”
“Question, then. And, yes. I love you like Scarlett loves Rhett, like Elizabeth loves Mr. Darcy, like-”
“Stop, just stop. Don’t love me like that. What happens after the last page?”
“We continue on loving like happily-ever-forever.”
“No, we’d drop off, we'd end. Love isn’t static, it doesn’t continue in a flat line. Who can carry the same tune for years? We rise, we fall, we bump arms and step on each other’s toes. I’ll annoy you because I can’t stand going to Christmas parties and you’ll piss me off because you take an hour to get ready to go grocery shopping. We aren’t a book.”
“So how would you like me to love you then?”
“I don’t. Didn’t I just say I’ll annoy you? You shouldn’t love me, it’s a poor life choice.”
“What if I said it was too late?
“I’d say that’s a shame. But I’d also say that if you have to love me, love me like the moon. Love me when I’m cursing at the GPS because it took me to the-middle-of-nowhere when I clearly said to take me to California. Love me when I’m sitting in wrinkled jeans and a stained shirt that I Febreezed and called clean. Love me when I forgot what you said, forgot your birthday and remembered the stats of the last game. Love me when I wax, love me when I wane. Love me then.”
“Alright. And what about me? How will you love me?”
“I’ll love you like the tides. I’ll love you when you’re sitting in the middle of a million shoes complaining that none will work. I’ll love you when you forget to check the oil, forgot to fill the gas tank, forgot to roll up the windows when you parked. I’ll love you when you burn dinner, when you won’t get off the phone, when you cry at a movie you’ve seen twenty times before. I’ll love you during the low tides, during the high. I’ll love you then.”
“And during which will you remember that love is a fool’s choice?”
“Oh, I’ll always remember. But I’m a fool. Remember?

Hello, 2010

Only four hours left of this year.

It's been a monumental year for me, I suppose. I finally cured myself of my long-term illness, so to speak. I emerged from my first semester of college bloodied and wounded confident-wise, but still standing. I finally sparked some personal interest back to my beloved story, which had its first taste of near-death during its 11-month drought. I sang in front of an audience for the first time (and never intend to do so again). I experienced the best summer of my life -- truly getting to know my cultural roots and my extended family and meeting some of the most amazing people I'll be keeping in touch with for a long time. And of course, there have been a lot of good memories with my childhood friends and my immediate family. 2009 was insane but it was an exciting end to the decade and to my childhood.

I don't think I ever actually wrote down my goals/resolutions for 2009 -- and I don't remember them anymore anyways. But I figure it'll be good to write some down so I can check up on myself as the year goes on:

1. Lose weight. Although I didn't gain as much weight as I expected, pounds are still pounds. I need to stop eating so much junk food when I'm stressed. And play more tennis.
   
2. Be nicer. I have a horrible tendency to be snarky or just plain antisocial -- perhaps not intentionally, but still not very friendly nevertheless -- something I didn't really become conscious of until I went to college. I will be a friendlier person -- for example, wave to people when I run into them instead of casting my eyes down or admiring a distant tree and pretending I don't see them. On a similar note...
3. Be better at keeping in touch. Not that I'm going to start signing online and using Skype or AIM more often, since I can never get anything done that way. But at least keep some semblance of a friendship intact.
   
4. Improve GPA. Ideally, I've learned from my mistakes this semester and won't make the same mistakes again. I'll start getting good scores right from the very first midterm instead of scrambling to top my scores and playing catch-up for the rest of the semester.
5. Finish EP. I know some of you are cracking up. But I'm giving myself the goal of finishing the entire damn thing by the end of 2010. Though I haven't been updating, recently I've been spending every single day revising the storyline. I've got a long way to go, but the fire is back and the writer's block is gone.
6. Chill. The lyrics of "Street Spirit" by Radiohead are dark and despairing. But the song ends with the repeated line, "Immerse your soul in love." If I go through another quarter-life crisis, this time I'll know who to talk to and who's there for me.
   

And now, like everyone else who is making these top-ten lists at the end of the year, I think I'll make a list of Sophelia's 2009 Top Ten Posts ranked in order of which posts I like the best (rather than number of comments, since there are plenty of posts I am fond of that nobody commented on). Yeah, I know -- I'm egotistical. And they are:

10. Anatomy of a Train Wreck. Okay, so maybe "Your Classmate" had a point about me talking about my roommate on my blog. But I ended up placing this one at No. 10 because, to be honest, writing about Marlowe (who I get along with perfectly fine, to set the record straight) taught me two things: 1) The characters in my writing are dead nothingness compared to someone as colorfully alive as Marlowe, and 2) If I want my characters to be real, they need to be as detailed right down to the idiosyncrasies as when I write about Marlowe. Everything is a learning experience!

9. Revisited. It's not my best. But I felt like I had to pick this one because it really felt like a return to the old style my blog used to have, when everything was ambiguously symbolic.

8. Disney Princes. I feel I'm almost obligated to pick this one on the list somewhere. Why? Apparently my blog shows up when you try searching for Disney Princes on Google Images. I might disable my site meter for my own sanity, but it's been useful in relaying to me that apparently, this is probably my most popular post in terms of hits. I, however, don't think it's my best piece of work -- hence why it's at No. 8.

7. Alternate Ending. Another short, artsy piece. Yeah, I have a thing for Greek mythology.

6. The Pane of Glass. I didn't win the caption contest that I Wrote This For You held -- I have a feeling my morbid tendencies don't exactly complement the uplifting poetic lines on that beautiful blog. But I still like what I managed to come up with. Even if it is pessimistic.

5. The Countdown. I have a tendency to write in third person. This was one of those moments. It's a pretty accurate snapshot of my last few days of summer before heading off to college.

4. έρωτα και τον θάνατο. Yes, I had to use Google Translator for that. It's Greek for "Love and Death." One of the more artistic pieces in my repertoire, and certainly one with an idea I've thought about a lot. Seems to be my theme. Haha.

3. Letter from an Upset Swine. The unusual thing about this post is that I wrote it frantically last minute during print date when we realized that there was an empty space on one of the opinions pages. I picked this one just because I'm impressed with how I manged to churn out something remotely funny under pressure with so little time.

2. And They Lived Happily Ever After. It's a personal thing, I suppose. But I'm fond of the rhythm of this one.

1. The Case Against Snow White. In terms of my cynicism and sarcasm, I don't think any other post on this blog can top this. Not to mention, this is one of the few posts that actually made me laugh aloud as I was writing it. (Yeah, I was very pleased about my Edward Cullen/Evil Witch jab... cough. I'm not that narcissistic, I promise.)

And now, I have finally finished writing the post: it is 1:20 AM PST and I should be going to sleep. No -- I was not writing this for five hours. I finally ventured out of my cave (aka my room) and hung out at J's house with my closest high school friends. Now I really regret not hanging out with them more while I've been home. I already miss them like hell. But on the bright side, I get to see my "sisters" tomorrow. Tonight was the blue moon -- I can't say anything out of the ordinary happened. But I feel hopeful... that this year's gonna be a good year.

*hums the Black-Eyed Peas song*

I'm Yours

This is the best thing that's happened to me today.

:]

Labyrinth

Bane of My Existence

"Part of the art of mathematics lies in pausing for a moment to find an elegant way to solve a problem rather than rushing in headlong with brute force methods."

-- From my calculus book

pause.

AGHH.

---------------
Plug
I just had to share that I've been distracted from my studying for the last hour thanks to this site:

http://gofugyourself.celebuzz.com/

This is the first time I've had some good laughs from reading other people's writing. I always respect these kind of cynically funny writers, because every time I try to write posts in that style, I tend to lose patience or sound painfully disillusioned.

Fun Way to Procrastinate, No.1

So I was sitting in my room on this cold October day with my roommates, attempting to finish my problem set for chemistry. My roommates were talking about their dream weddings and whatnot; I listened amusedly but didn't really contribute to the conversation since I was getting increasingly pissed off at Webassign. Anyways, F brought up the topic of www.morphthing.com, where a program will morph two pictures to produce either a picture of the potential child or just a simple composite of the two pictures.

So basically, F and I have been spending the last hour wasting time on this website. F has been mixing her face with actual people we know by creeping for pictures on Facebook. I have actually been trying to maintain some sort of work ethic, so instead I have just been selecting the prepared celebrity images and doing my homework while I wait for the images to process. Right now, this website is being ridiculously slow, so I'll just post the results I ended up with thus far.

I'm kind of annoyed how they seem to all look the same. But I guess it makes sense.

Chris Pine

Cilian Murphy

Orlando Bloom

Gaspard Ulliel

Sadly, the picture of me and Prince Charming (aka James Marsden)'s kid was crushingly disappointing, and so I will pretend I never even attempted to do so.

Alright. I need to stop creating pseudo babies with these untouchable celebrities. Peace out.

Heads Will Roll

Off off off with your head
Dance dance dance till you're dead

-- "Heads Will Roll" by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs

Somebody needs to throw an Alice-in-Wonderland-themed dance party to this song.

----------------------------

I have so much respect for Beyonce after watching this video.
(The girl is an 11-year-old with leukemia.)

My Favorite Things

• Time of Day: Night
  
• Sitting cross-legged on the warm beach with eyes closed, listening to the ocean breathe in and out
• Eye-catching earrings
• Color: all dark hues
• Dreams, whether good or bad
• Receiving a handwritten letter in the mail
• Fashion icon: Rihanna
• People-watching with Rogue
  
• Rewriting song lyrics to make parodies (i.e. Gov. J's farewell speech)
• Food: dark chocolate
• Songs in minor keys
• Bittersweet story endings
  
• Flower: Orchids
• Fractured fairytales
• Greek myths and legends
  
• Current song on repeat: "Rooftops" by Lostprophets
• Puppies
  
• Singing when nobody is listening
  
• Most prized belonging: this blog

There was a girl who was in my high school French class several consecutive years. She was a self-described music-lover and made very clear her opinions on what qualified as "good music." While I got along with this girl fairly well, I would like to make the point that I am not fond of those pretentious music czars and czarinas who saunter around the realm of music as if they alone know what is deemed "worthy" of listening. These include:

• Youtube users who leave snippy comments for music videos of songs featured on Guitar Hero/Rock Band, bemoaning how their favorite song has now become "mainstream" -- and thus, uncool
• People who claim to be music-lovers but deem classical music as "boring." Hey, you try writing a orchestral symphony or a baroque fugue, and then let me know how boring it is.
• People who complain when their favorite formerly "underground" band becomes mainstream. Right, just because people know who they are now means you can't like them anymore.

In any case, I have my opinions on what is good music to my ears, but I'd rather not impose these personal judgments. And I don't even think music is simply about what sounds good. I believe everyone has at least one song that is attributed to some memory, and that they will listen to this song as a trigger for remembrance. These are the songs that stick to you for a long time, whether or not something is "mainstream" or "underground" or simply forgotten.

The Playlist:

• "Naturaleza muerta" by Mecano
• "Kuroi Namida" by Anna Tsuchiya
• "Somewhere in Time" composed by John Barry
  
• "Sing Me to Sleep" by Waking Ashland
• "Libertango" composed by Astor Piazolla
  
• "All is Full of Love" by Bjork
• "Future Foe Scenarios" by Silversun Pickups
• "Papercut" by Linkin Park
• "Elegie" composed by Sergei Rachmaninoff
• "It's All Over But the Crying" by Garbage
• "Plus le coeur a ca" by Mademoiselle K
• "The Ocean" by Mae
• "Cupid" by OLIVIA