1 : 2 : 1

January 21. This date is pretty cool. 1 2 1. So let's have a one-to-one.

Here's a strange thing: I am sick of writing. Not random blog writing (that's just called Sophelia Rambles Nonsense) - but actually writing any kind of fiction. Particularly with my brainchild, EP: I've reached the point where I can't stand to read it. There are so many flaws with how I've set up the plot - it drags way too much, some of the foreshadowing is way too obvious, and other times, storylines jut out of nowhere. My guess is I won't be writing EP for quite awhile, at least, until I get the self-loathing out of my system (like I've managed to do with J-ko Eat World). i doubt i'll be writing very many vignettes either.

I guess discouragment is part of the reason. I've seen a bunch of works getting so much attention - for what? Not wanting to sound bitter, I will refrain from getting into this subject any further.

Another thing that bothers me is the fact that this blog is now "public." well, it probably has been, ever since i first mentioned it implicitly on xanga. apparently some people cared enough to figure out what the web address was. but now that i've actually posted the link on xanga, this site is fair game to anyone who knows me personally, and frankly, i don't feel comfortable writing too much on here. in the past, i've made some thinly veiled allusions to people i know - and now that pretty much anyone can find this blog, i am hesitant to write too much.

the problem with writing is that anyone who knows the language can read it. from elementary school to late middle school, i wrote diaries. of course, that all came to an end when i discovered that my brother (and possibly my own mother) were reading, or had read them at some point. i switched over to the electronic forms of blogging - but frankly, you can't get very personal on the internet.

i moved to blogspot around last year, after i found a blog whose writer posted fairly intricate poems. i only gave one person (a longtime friend of mine) the link, but i eventually found out that more people knew about this site than i was aware of. at some point, i simply decided there was no point in making this so secret anymore.

the problem with myself, however, is that i am a very private person. i tend to keep everything about myself to myself, and the way i relieve the tension is by writing pretty dismal posts like i've done today. my guess is that i will continue writing on this site (because i am in no mood to start yet another blog)...

but expect much less fiction, and perhaps less personal as well.

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(read this in Time. i liked the quote.)

My love for you is more/ athletic than a verb. - Sylvia Plath

1:2:1 Post Mortem