Natalie Portman's Rap (& Other Curiosities)

For your enjoyment.
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I wish Fye existed in real life. He seems like a good person to talk to.

Writing personal statements for college is hard. It requires much excavation of the past, and usually that means digging up something I would much rather forget. It also means poking at all your wounds and weaknesses in order to find a deeper meaning.

My maternal grandmother and my mother are very similar; both are very independent and principled women. My grandmother reminds me of Mrs. Brasher - I don't know if most Taiwanese have this trait, but my grandmother has that naturally loud and husky voice that kept my cousin and me from falling asleep when we were young. She pretty much ran the family cloth business, and even today, she rides off on her motorcycle/scooter and is very active in the community. I associate "unstoppable" with someone like her.

My mother is very similar - though her voice isn't as penetrating, she is highly principled and isn't influenced by how others think of her. Once, I was talking to her about Charlene's mother, a no-nonsense woman who often gets straight to the point, and she remarked, "I'd rather have a friend like her who will tell it to my face than someone who greets you with warm hugs but talks bad about you behind your back."

Unfortunately, I don't think those characteristics passed down to me. I would like to believe I am just as independent and principled, but I cannot deny that I am affected by how people think of me. I tend not to act on my emotions or whims, precisely because I am afraid of what people will think. There have been times in my past when somebody would make fun of my hair and whatnot - I would go home visibly upset, and my mother would simply respond, "So? Who cares what they think?"

People often tell me, "Take the initiative and act first, or you'll lose your chance." I don't know how many chances I've left slip, but I still don't think I've found the courage. Is it better to feel safe and possibly regret later, or to gamble without second thoughts?

On another note, I was walking my dog through the park earlier tonight. It's incredibly calming to just walk around by yourself without having to do anything besides keeping an eye on the dog; I tend to do my best thinking outside, in the car, or in the shower. In any case, not at school. Anyways, I remember there was a Mandarin show my parents used to watch on Sunday nights. It no longer exists, but I remember there was one segment of the show that was my mother's favorite. It was in Mandarin, so I never understood how the show worked, but I got the general idea. If I was creating the show for American television, it would go like this:

The show features a team of top-level detectives and investigators, only they are not investigating crimes. Every episode, somebody (most likely a celebrity - but the ideal is anyone with a good, moving story) is introduced to the show as a guest. There is somebody the guest has lost touch with but longs to meet again. The hosts of the show interview the guest - who was this person, what was their relationship, how did they lose touch, etc. Before each show is aired, they film a brief re-enactment of the guest and the lost person's past with professional actors. The show plays this re-enactment, and then the film screen on the set plays a segment following the detective team's attempt to trace the lost person. The film ends right before the lead detective (who, ideally, should have a good sense of humor, to keep the detective segment exciting) is about to contact the lost person.

The show then refocuses back onto the hosts and the guest. (This is really like a talk show, more than anything.) After some talk and whatnot, the attention is turned towards this elaborate elevator-like door on the set. Across the top of the door are illuminated numbers from zero to ten. When the countdown begins, the numbered lights flash in a countdown. At zero, the door opens up and a cloud of smoke and fog clouds the doorway dramatically.

In the ideal situation, the lost person walks out of the door and is reunited with the guest. Or if the person was contacted but couldn't make it, the door opens to reveal a stand with a telephone, and the guest dials the person's number on the show's speaker phone. If the team couldn't find the person - he/she died or disappeared - then a relative or friend comes instead and breaks the news.

I don't know about what others think, but if this show actually existed, I would be fairly interested in it. I have an affinity towards these kinds of stories, and I think everyone has drifted away from somebody at some point. Personally, I think this type of "reality show" beats the crap out of those superficial "Bachelor" and other shallow reality shows.





I should stop reading so much. My expectations are way too high.