Crazy World

I think I'll always be an OLIVIA fan, but seriously, I'm hooked on Anna Tsuchiya. Who else can rock this song in a princess tiara without looking silly?

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I was sitting on the steps by the classroom walls people-watching with Rogue during lunch today, when she suddenly asked the question, "If you were a complete stranger to this school, and you were looking objectively at these people, what would your first impression of what they're like be?"

The first person we both looked at was S. I was the first one to speak.

"Based on his hair, I would automatically think he's cool."

"Same. Then I'd see him with..."

He turned to look at us at this point, and we both burst out laughing, because we knew exactly what the other was thinking. Quickly, we averted his narrowing gaze and included him into our new game. We began going down the list of our friends. At first glance, we decided we would never peg J as the brainiac genius type, especially with her double piercings. G was pretty much on target: sweet but naive; the only thing you couldn't tell at first glance was her excitability and fearsome road rage. JC was tougher to pin down; but after observing her quite bluntly for some time, we decided she was pretty much what she looked like: sweet and cheerful. With C, S insisted she looked angry, but Ariel and I informed him he was just biased. Truthfully, I didn't think you could read C quite as simply -- her appearance wasn't enough to merit any judgments.

When it came to Rogue and I, it was much harder to be objective. "Based on that shirt you're wearing [a black t-shirt with a gothic looking fairy] and your haircut [inverted bob], if you had another set of piercings I would guess you were a kickass girl," she said. I snorted, then looked at her for a long time. "I don't know. Sometimes you look really tough, but then you start laughing like crazy and screw up that first impression."

What started out as a simple question became my obsession of the day. During APUSH, S, Jeyco, and I wasted the majority of the period playing the same game. I don't know how exciting it sounds in words, but when you play it with close friends, it is hilarious. At one point, S was trying to point at his ex (who was sitting behind him across the aisle) "through" him. The effect was that he looked like was pointing towards his chest. Having teased him ever since we first met in third grade, I pounced at the chance. "Oh S. I had no idea she was still in your heart."

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Somehow the conversation meandered off in a different direction.

S: Do I look like the type of guy who would cry.

Jeyco + Me: [immediately] Yes.

S: Damn it!

Jeyco: Well, not exactly sobbing. Like those hot Korean drama actors who have manly cries.

Me + Steven: MANLY CRY?

Suddenly, a passionate debate arose in our corner of the history room as we started debating over what was a "manly cry." Does the man flex his bulging guns as he wipes his tears away? Does his voice growl Boooohooo as he sniffles? Somehow, "manly cry" seems to be an oxymoron.

Anyway, the sense of friendship and unity really made my day today. Although the teachers complained about taking out fourth period for a spirit rally, in truth I think our school really needed that. Sadly, other than during my tennis season, I have never really felt proud of my school. The campus is ugly compared to other nearby schools, and some of the students are complete jerks. Nevertheless, when the juniors and seniors sat in the gym cheering and screaming as the junior "spirit leaders" were knighted by the seniors as their successors, I loved the roaring feeling of the crowd. It is the same adrenaline rush I loved when I won the deciding match for the tennis team in Fresno, when I watch the Sharks on TV fight for the Stanley Cup (unfortunately, they dash my hopes every year), when I went to a non-classical music concert for the first time last December. It's this energy of being in a excited crowd that makes me feel alive.

Similarly, there is something to be said about friends you can act ridiculous with or confide in. In the past, I always felt there was something wrong with me because I didn't have a best friend. Today though, when we were cracking up over the Hester Prynne analogy I came up with during APUSH, I realized what I already had was exceptional.

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I've often entertained the idea of "living in a drama." At first, I'd imagine I was the lead character, but after awhile, I realized my life is too ennuyeuse to attract any viewers whatsoever. Instead, I settled on the idea that I would be one of those quirky supporting characters, though I had yet to decide who would be in the starring roles.

Today, I decided that if my life were indeed a part of a live-action drama, the story arc would center around the current angsty love triangle between S, C, and the dense senior. At first glance, I thought it was flawless. After watching S and C together for nearly the entire night at Junior Prom, I was convinced that this was the golden couple you admired and envied in the movies. What other high school guy would carry a girl bridal style, carry her shoes for her, or massage her sore feet afterwards-- not to mention the countless other things I have seen at school? But as the ecstasy of what I learned today began to dissipate, I began to see the countless fault lines in the situation. I won't publicize it on here, but suddenly my Happily Ever After fantasy didn't seem quite so tangible anymore.

What A said was her first impression of me interested me very deeply. I am innately curious about what people think of me, but at the same time I don't want to know. Many people who saw prom pictures of me told me how pretty I looked. There are some people who get comments like that every day -- and usually, it's the truth. For me, however, I didn't know what to think. I cannot remember a single time before then (except once, but it was extremely awkward) when the word "pretty" and I were ever associated. Thus, I was very surprised to hear those compliments, but at the same time, I started wondering if people toss out those comments any time somebody dresses up for prom.

I probably sound incredibly insecure about my appearance -- I am, in a way. I don't get depressed over something so trivial, but with all the attractive people I've hung out with, it's not something I am confident about. You might see me in my silkscreen graphic tees, skinny jeans, Ren lock necklace, and butterfly and dragon rings, and think: Wow! She looks kickass! In all honesty, I dress similary to Anna Tsuchiya in hoping that somehow my first impression will have a little more punch.