Merry Christmas

I think if you live in the United States, at some point you just have to suck it up and get used to the fact that pretty much everyone "celebrates" Christmas, religiously or materialisically. So there you go, boys and girls.

I am completely sick of self-reflecting and contemplating my existence and impending future. I've been doing way too much of that for college apps. My goal is to submit by Saturday. Ha. We shall see how well that goes.

This is probably going to be a very pointless post, because I do not want to talk about myself and because I am too uninspired to write anything fictional.

I had another dream last night, though not nearly as psycho as the previous ones. Oh by the way, did I mention that G bought me a Dream Dictionary for Xmas? Charming little book. It'll be a good sign for me if I dream of castration tonight.

ANYWAYS.

My school district decided to adopt a new calendar this year, so for the first time in my life, my fall finals have occurred before winter break rather than after. Apparently it's supposed to de-stress students, but I think it's been doing entirely the opposite. Because with this new policy, teachers get an entire break to grade their finals. And you know what this means? It means the kids with borderline grades get to sit through the holidays wondering if their grades are going to hold.

As usual, AP Lit is driving me up a wall. Ms. K is a nice person and all, but the tortoise's pace she goes by in grading papers is like torture. My grade remains in the low nineties, but given the fact that there are at least three essays ungraded and a final unscored, I have no idea what will happen.

So then I had the lovely nightmare of taking the AP Lit final all over again, only this time she added some calculus and physics problems that completely went over my head. Disaster.

It's been a kind of catch-up holiday. I read Blood Roses by Francesca Lia Block the other day. It was a fleeting beauty. Such aesthetically pleasing words that immediately left my brain after I finished the book. If you ask me to summarize the book, I can't do it. If I manage to finish apps by Saturday, I intend to read all the books that have been sitting on my shelf for months. And ever since my dad decided to buy the new TV + surround sound system, we've been watching movies every night -- The Dark Knight, Pride and Prejudice, West Side Story, Amadeus, October Sky, and who knows what we're going to be watching today.

Okay screw it, I'll talk about myself.

I hate those questions about how I see myself in ten years. I am so tempted to reply with a half-assed answer:

I see myself with two brown eyes, one nose, one mouth, ten fingers, ten toes, beating heart, intact spinal cord, functioning brain. Because really, that's what matters in the end, doesn't it?

What do they expect me to put? Brain Surgeon? Astronaut? I think there's a line between ambition and pragmatism. I don't know about others, but I am far too humble to assume that I will not be one of the thousands of premed hopefuls that royally screw over their GPAs and end up majoring in something else entirely.

Anyways.

I think this bumbling post is a good indication of the mindset I'm in right now. My mental state has gone kaput.