Letter to a Soulmate

Dear Soulmate,

This is your soulmate writing to you. We've never met before. Of course, it's a matter of time, but really, we could have shaved off a couple of years from our preordained fateful meeting if it weren't for the fact that you keep bungling things up.

Like that time you were buying a tin of peppermint Altoids at the checkout line at the drugstore. If you hadn't insisted on picking out the exact change from your wallet, you would have left the store exactly fifty-three seconds earlier. You would have managed to walk to the intersection in time to sprint across the expressway just as the traffic light turned green for oncoming traffic. Instead, you waited at the crosswalk for two minutes before the light signaled for you to cross. By the time you got to the bus stop, the 2:55 pm bus had already driven away. If you hadn't missed that bus and taken the 3:15 pm bus instead, you would have chosen to sit in the same aisle as me, and we would have engaged in a deep meaningful conversation and shaved off seven years of unacquaintance.

Or how about the time you decide to take swimming classes at the local swim and racket club? You were supposed to choose tennis so that you and I would learn the sport together and watch our good-natured camaraderie grow into a cliched Pride-and-Prejudice-esque rivalry. Come on, you're my soulmate! How hard is it to figure that out?

Next time, please just get it right. Statistically, there are 6 billion people in the world and you encounter at most 1,000 people per day, so supposedly our paths only cross once every 16,500 years. If we're going to beat these odds, you'd better pick up your act. I can't tell you exactly where I'll be tomorrow, because if you're really my soulmate, you should know these things.

From,
Your Soulmate