Retrospect

Now that all of my college decisions have come out, it looks like I'll be going to Duke (if my parents will pay for it) or Cal. I'm leaning towards Duke, for your information. The final tally? Accepted 6 out of 11.

My amazing longtime friend, the multi-talented Gov. J got into both Harvard and Princeton. I was so incredibly happy for her -- I have to admit, I have never felt that proud of anyone other than myself. Ironically, she was rejected by Yale, but who cares? It felt like being acquainted with the hottest celebrity -- like if I was best friends with Kate Winslet when she won the Oscar.

But I do have to confess, it's hard to be so exuberantly happy for a friend, and then come home to tell your mom that you got rejected by the same schools your friend was accepted to. I think my mom really hoped I would get into one of the HYP schools, and in a way, I feel like I've disappointed my parents. So there is a bittersweetness to all this.

Reflecting on this whole business, I've been taking my rejections at HYP much better than when I was rejected by Stanford. Stanford was the first rejection letter I received, and it hurt me rather painfully. I cried for much of the night and stayed up until 3 am talking to Storm online just because I didn't want to go to sleep, and I needed to talk to somebody who was already in college and didn't care to gossip about who got into where.

I think getting rejected from HYP hurt so much less, because by this point, I already know I have two perfectly good schools to go to. Each school I was accepted to culmulatively boosted my confidence -- from Irvine, Davis, San Diego, to Los Angeles -- I was beginning to regain the belief that I was actually a competitive applicant. True, I doubted myself when I didn't get Regents for UCLA and Cal. But in the end, things turned in my favor.

Duke was the turning point for me. I seriously had no expectations for Duke -- I never thought about how I would react if I was accepted or rejected. And so when I read my decision letter in the journalism room, I could not remember the last time I felt so exuberant. Compounded with my acceptance to Cal, and I was simply ecstatic. I was rejected from Johns Hopkins the following day, but the happiness from Duke and Cal swept any negative feelings away.

True, it may have worn off by today. Or perhaps reading three rejection letters in one day is somewhat of an overkill. Once I came home, the negative feelings started kicking in.

But really. I have to admit, I always considered HYP to be reach schools and never seriously expected getting into those three. There are far more superior kids than me who deserve those spots. Before today, everyone was talking about how their fates would be decided today. Personally, that's not how I see it. We shaped our fates long ago, with every decision we made leading up to this moment. Those decisions are what got us this far. I could have made different decisions, such as deciding to intern or volunteer one summer instead of doing something else. I made my fate a long time ago.

And I'm still doing it now.