Fuzz

Here's a confession:

i read manga.

shameful, i know.
such an inferior art form
you're probably thinking of some otaku girl
who calls herself by a pseudo-japanese name
dressed in cosplay frills and bows
gothic lolita

(i can feel my coolness credibility plunging in your eyes like the neckline of J.Lo's green Versace Grammy's dress.)

but it's too easy to forget -- it's still a version of storytelling.
perhaps the drawings can be crude
perhaps the story is overwrought and drenched in saccharine cliches
but when you find a diamond in that pile of coal
you can still learn a shitload of things.

take the Glass Mask for instance
i read that story about theater and acting a week ago.
the actress would do anything to perfect her role --
strapped her body to bamboo rods in order to play a motionless doll,
blindfolded and plugged her ears with clay in order to play Helen Keller,
isolated in the mountains behaving like a feral animal in order to play a girl raised by wolves --

it's the same, you know
acting a part and telling a story
you have to get into your character's head
sense the world through the same eyes, ears, nose, mouth, skin
respond with the same mind and instinct

yep that's right
i'm actually not that cool.
you expect me to say my favorite books and biggest influences are the classics
like Jane Austen or Fahrenheit 451 or T.S. Eliot

i'm not supposed to say i read commercial lit or comic books.
sure, i love East of Eden and "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock"
but just as francesca lia block changed my life
i've been reading manga since fourth grade --
that's easily over a hundred series in ten years.
and with how many volumes per series...
who knows?

true, my writing kinda sucks.
i use unnecessary words
obtuse language
and a tendency towards the melodramatic.
i read sylvia plath's poems and weep
at the inefficiency of my prose.

but i realized something during college
your dreams don't come to you on a silver platter
you grab your butterfly net and capture those damn things yourself

in truth, i don't really care if i ever find the One
so long as i can keep this one wish alive.

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Note: I know I've talked about this in the past, but this time I am seriously considering and almost certainly either changing the url of this blog (with a massive clean-up operation) or moving to a new blog. Once I make up my mind (most likely in 2-3 days), I will leave a post with details for the rest of July before I take any final actions.

It's been almost four years since I first created this blog, and I feel it's about time I make a clean break from my past. It's reached the point where I'm disgusted with my old miserable posts, and so I'm ready to start over. If you've been following me regularly, then I thank you for reading my rambling posts. I'm not sure how I've been able to hold your attention for this long, but thanks for making me feel like I'm actually an interesting and occasionally funny person.