cold sugar

Love is clockworks,
And cold steel
Fingers too numb to feel
Squeeze the handle
Blow out the candle
Blindness

i've known the cruelty of sleep ever since i could will myself to remember the conjurations of my subconscious mind. i have invented hundreds of scenarios by which you and i come to an understanding--not one that can be pinned down by a four-letter word as saccharine as love or as stylized as lust. two best friends meeting for the first time in their lives, two halves of the same soul clicking into place, and i knew i missed you before i even met you.

the cruelty of sleep is one that haunts you in the night before it dissipates in the light of the sun. i'm awake but you're far and away. the sugar-spun illusion melts away and all i can see in my head is that afternoon we last exchanged words--and how those candied dream confections in my mind portend a future that is never meant to be. it makes me wonder if i would be happier not seeing these dreams at all.