Oh, I suddenly remembered. You know what else I refuse to eat? Lamb. Not only because my Chinese zodiac character is a sheep, and that would be bordering on cannibalism. But to prove my point:
Honestly, how can you even THINK of eating this bundle of cuteness? I could probably dedicate an entire post to discussing my struggle with converting to vegetarianism this year, but that will have to wait another day, since I'm getting very off-topic. Anyways...So before you deduce that I am stricken with some debilitating groupie syndrome for the Badass One, do keep in mind that this unharnessed energy cocktail of teenage hormones is all being channeled into one celebrity crush, and do keep in mind that much of the appeal of going apeshit (my new favorite word) about the Idol is that I get to unleash my inner lunatic without much consequence other than being judged by what few readers may discover this blog. (And usually, those few readers already know me well enough to shake their heads dismissively and engage in a Sound-of-Music-esque nunnery rendition of, "Ohhh, how do you solve a problem like Sophelia?")
And now, may I present...
Sophelia's Highly Scientific Analysis of T.O.P.'s "Turn It Up" MV
(ignoring the fact that she doesn't understand a lick of Korean)
(ignoring the fact that she doesn't understand a lick of Korean)
0:00-0:10 - HOLY KLNEEX BATMAN IT'S T.O.P.!!!!! IN A CHECKER SUIT!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Wait. What is up with that leotard chick beating that drum? For T.O.P.'s sakes, she's not even on rhythm with the beat. Fortunately, the ever-empathetic Sophelia will give her the benefit of the doubt and assume that her disgraceful off-beat-ness is due to her extreme nervousness of being in such close proximity to the Badass One himself.
0:17 - Oh dear T.O.P., was that a moaning woman ensnared on a spider web? Is he like Zeus, except instead of transforming into such un-Badass things like a white bull or a shower of gold, he descends down to Earth for humanly courtship as a pincered arachnid, luring unsuspecting female prey into his web and binding them with the silk of his spinnerets for later devouring? Don't even answer that question. (Wow. That was awkward.)
0:21-0:24 - WHAT THE HECK? MORE SLINKY WOMEN IN LEOTARDS? Every minute when the camera's not focused on T.O.P. is a minute of my life wasted -- especially when I am a straight girl with no interest in seeing a female leotard butt on Youtube. And let's disregard the fact that it is VERY LATE right now and I should be going to bed.
0:27-0:29 - ANOTHER ONE?! Okay, that's already the fifth girl I've seen in this video, and we're barely one-seventh of the way into this video. And what the heck is she doing?? Is that supposed to be a seductive dance? GIrl, please sit down. You are doing the Badass One no favors with your pathetic shimmy.
0:35-0:43 - Ignored commenting about the reappearance of three leotard girls, because Sophelia decided there's no point wasting her words on such insignificant beings. But then HOLY MOTHER OF GHANDI WHY ARE THERE SUDDENLY TEN OF THEM SWARMED AROUND HIM? Dude. Note to whomever produced/directed the video: hiring all these fawning women is a waste of your money. Ninety percent of the people who will watch this video are infatuated worshippers of the Badass One. We already know he is the most sa-WOON-worthy guy on the planet, so there really is no need to reinforce the fact with a harem of women around him. It's complete overkill. It'd be like Taylor Swift having cute fairies and princesses and unicorns in all of her videos. We get it. She's pure as the driven snow. Same with T.O.P. -- except he's too badass for cliched similes.
0:44-0:46 - WHO IS THIS CLOWN?? STOP OBSTRUCTING MY VIEW OF THE GLORIOUS ONE. What the hell, is she stroking his leg? BACK OFF! SHOO!
0:47-0:57 - Sadly, the brief glorious moments of the Badass One with his miniature tea-cup are interspersed with more fondling from the jester-slut and the two women sitting in his cup of tea. Sigh. From now on, Sophelia is going to stop commenting about all these women and will only commentate with regards to the Badass One himself.
1:06-1:07 - I'm having way too many WTF moments with this video. A set of false teeth? Pulling out the front tooth? Either this is supposed to be some sort of cryptic love letter to his fans, or I need to go see if somebody has translated the lyrics into English already.
1:12-1:16 - Poor guy. A line of like twenty women lined up around him like a slutty version of Da Vinci's "The Last Supper", and he has his head resting on his hand with a soulful expression that says, "Why am I surrounded by all these lowly beings? WHY, DIRECTOR, WHY?"
1:18-1:28 - NO!!! WHY ARE YOU RUNNING YOUR FINGERS ACROSS THE BACK OF THAT JESTER-SLUT! AGHHHHAHLALFDSJASAFDJSLJKAGASJKLHJKAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Disgruntled and sleepy, Sophelia heads off to bed. It is 3:30 AM and she has class in six hours. May or may not continue this scientific study tomorrow.)
0:17 - Oh dear T.O.P., was that a moaning woman ensnared on a spider web? Is he like Zeus, except instead of transforming into such un-Badass things like a white bull or a shower of gold, he descends down to Earth for humanly courtship as a pincered arachnid, luring unsuspecting female prey into his web and binding them with the silk of his spinnerets for later devouring? Don't even answer that question. (Wow. That was awkward.)
0:21-0:24 - WHAT THE HECK? MORE SLINKY WOMEN IN LEOTARDS? Every minute when the camera's not focused on T.O.P. is a minute of my life wasted -- especially when I am a straight girl with no interest in seeing a female leotard butt on Youtube. And let's disregard the fact that it is VERY LATE right now and I should be going to bed.
0:27-0:29 - ANOTHER ONE?! Okay, that's already the fifth girl I've seen in this video, and we're barely one-seventh of the way into this video. And what the heck is she doing?? Is that supposed to be a seductive dance? GIrl, please sit down. You are doing the Badass One no favors with your pathetic shimmy.
0:35-0:43 - Ignored commenting about the reappearance of three leotard girls, because Sophelia decided there's no point wasting her words on such insignificant beings. But then HOLY MOTHER OF GHANDI WHY ARE THERE SUDDENLY TEN OF THEM SWARMED AROUND HIM? Dude. Note to whomever produced/directed the video: hiring all these fawning women is a waste of your money. Ninety percent of the people who will watch this video are infatuated worshippers of the Badass One. We already know he is the most sa-WOON-worthy guy on the planet, so there really is no need to reinforce the fact with a harem of women around him. It's complete overkill. It'd be like Taylor Swift having cute fairies and princesses and unicorns in all of her videos. We get it. She's pure as the driven snow. Same with T.O.P. -- except he's too badass for cliched similes.
0:44-0:46 - WHO IS THIS CLOWN?? STOP OBSTRUCTING MY VIEW OF THE GLORIOUS ONE. What the hell, is she stroking his leg? BACK OFF! SHOO!
0:47-0:57 - Sadly, the brief glorious moments of the Badass One with his miniature tea-cup are interspersed with more fondling from the jester-slut and the two women sitting in his cup of tea. Sigh. From now on, Sophelia is going to stop commenting about all these women and will only commentate with regards to the Badass One himself.
1:06-1:07 - I'm having way too many WTF moments with this video. A set of false teeth? Pulling out the front tooth? Either this is supposed to be some sort of cryptic love letter to his fans, or I need to go see if somebody has translated the lyrics into English already.
1:12-1:16 - Poor guy. A line of like twenty women lined up around him like a slutty version of Da Vinci's "The Last Supper", and he has his head resting on his hand with a soulful expression that says, "Why am I surrounded by all these lowly beings? WHY, DIRECTOR, WHY?"
1:18-1:28 - NO!!! WHY ARE YOU RUNNING YOUR FINGERS ACROSS THE BACK OF THAT JESTER-SLUT! AGHHHHAHLALFDSJASAFDJSLJKAGASJKLHJKAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
1 comment:
tehehe I just downloaded this mv :]
Post a Comment