Last Thursday, I'd gone to bed a little early to prepare for my exam in the afternoon the next day. When I checked my phone, I saw that I'd received a message from one of my sorority little sisters.
I'd decided to gtfo of New Orleans after my hell week of exams and booked an airplane ticket to North Carolina. She was supposed to pick me up from the airport on Friday night. Her message was succinct. My sister just passed away. I have to fly out tomorrow morning. Sorry, I can't pick you up from the airport.
I'd never met her blood sister before. The girl was only a year or two older than me. I heard later that she'd died in her sleep.
I talked about it with one of my friends, who's doing clinical rotations at Duke Med. How does someone in their twenties die in their sleep? Without any previously diagnosed defects?
Earlier that same night, I'd been reading articles about the German plane crash, where the co-pilot locked the pilot out of the cockpit and proceeded to crash the airplane into the mountains, killing everyone on board. No bodies were found intact, only parts and pieces scattered across the mountain. I tried to imagine how I'd feel if I knew that my brother or parents had died in that way. I could already feel the rage coiling up inside of me.
My little had received a phone call from her mother while going back home from chapter, without suspecting a thing. Her line sisters told me that all of a sudden, she'd begun to scream. They'd seen her cry before, but nothing like this. It was like a part of her was dying.
Life is too short. Whatever is plaguing you and giving you doubts right now......
Don't hold back.
Go for it.
March 30, 2015
March 9, 2015
Obedear
Obedear, the sky is low
Gather up its harm and gods
With grateful arms
Obedear, the sky is low
Gather up its harm and gods
With grateful arms
--"Obedear" by Purity Ring
O but dear
it's been creeping up on me
not the fire that blazes through
like the oblivious frog yet to notice
the temperature has begun to rise
O but dear
my limbs ache in suspension
marionette strings pulled taut
as self control dons its war bonnet
in tribute to delayed gratification
O but dear
two honeybees in a dance
show where the sweetest nectar lies
winter abdicates to springas i wring these restless hands
March 1, 2015
Flurries
1. It seems to be a common occurrence in my life that I will find some fandom-related item on the Internet that cracks me up, but I have no one to share it with because none of my friends are part of the fandom. Previous instances have included articles on The Toast about Legend of Zelda and memes related to Avatar the Last Airbender (and the only person who shares my interest in both is, sadly, my brother). Most recently, this morning I stumbled upon this post on Maggie Stiefvater's blog that literally had me laughing out loud, but none of my friends have read The Raven Boys, and so I had to laugh alone.
2. Update on writing progress: I finished Chapter 22 over the Mardi Gras break, clocking in at an overall total of around 76,000 words in this first draft so far. Current estimate for total length is thirty chapters, so I guess we're about 70 percent through with the first draft? I already foresee a lot of major edits needed for Chapter 19 and 21--as always, Rory's narrative is always giving me the most trouble--but per my rule, I will NOT go back and make these changes until after I finish the entire first draft.
3. In related news, after some mild stress about trying to figure out summer plans, I was rejected from this summer program to volunteer with a health clinic in Nepal, which I think is the first rejection in awhile that I've been taking remarkably well. I was literally over it as soon as I finished reading the e-mail. Currently I'm planning to stay in NOLA for the summer to do research, which I am really excited about--not really because of the research, but because if it's anything like my gap year, I will have plenty of free time in the evenings and weekends when I'm not working. Plus, April should be a relatively light month in terms of schoolwork, which will give me a good opportunity to write. Which means--I'm being very realistic here--there is a VERY GOOD CHANCE that the first draft of EP will be complete by the end of July.
Guys, you don't understand how much the prospect of this excites me. I published the first chapter of EP on Fictionpress when I was 15, and I was daydreaming about the characters even before then. I've been dreaming of this completed draft for over eight freaking years, and anyone who knows me will tell you that I am a realist. The fact that I can now realistically give a timeline for a finished first draft is HUGE FOR ME. Yeah, I'm kind of jumping the gun a bit, but it doesn't hurt to feel pumped up about this, right?
Okay, it's not really helping me focus on endocrine physiology right now, but bahhhhhhh.
4. For the past week, I've been thinking about writing a detailed post about my current situation with the, um, Romantic Quandary. There's actually a very good story that came out of what happened--and when I say a very good story, you know that I mean I have a good story to tell. I might save it for later, or maybe I'll choose to keep this story to myself. But in any case, I am feeling much more relaxed and calmer about the Quandary than I did during that entire Mardi Gras break. And as long as it stays this way, who knows what the future has in store for the two of us.
2. Update on writing progress: I finished Chapter 22 over the Mardi Gras break, clocking in at an overall total of around 76,000 words in this first draft so far. Current estimate for total length is thirty chapters, so I guess we're about 70 percent through with the first draft? I already foresee a lot of major edits needed for Chapter 19 and 21--as always, Rory's narrative is always giving me the most trouble--but per my rule, I will NOT go back and make these changes until after I finish the entire first draft.
3. In related news, after some mild stress about trying to figure out summer plans, I was rejected from this summer program to volunteer with a health clinic in Nepal, which I think is the first rejection in awhile that I've been taking remarkably well. I was literally over it as soon as I finished reading the e-mail. Currently I'm planning to stay in NOLA for the summer to do research, which I am really excited about--not really because of the research, but because if it's anything like my gap year, I will have plenty of free time in the evenings and weekends when I'm not working. Plus, April should be a relatively light month in terms of schoolwork, which will give me a good opportunity to write. Which means--I'm being very realistic here--there is a VERY GOOD CHANCE that the first draft of EP will be complete by the end of July.
Guys, you don't understand how much the prospect of this excites me. I published the first chapter of EP on Fictionpress when I was 15, and I was daydreaming about the characters even before then. I've been dreaming of this completed draft for over eight freaking years, and anyone who knows me will tell you that I am a realist. The fact that I can now realistically give a timeline for a finished first draft is HUGE FOR ME. Yeah, I'm kind of jumping the gun a bit, but it doesn't hurt to feel pumped up about this, right?
Okay, it's not really helping me focus on endocrine physiology right now, but bahhhhhhh.
4. For the past week, I've been thinking about writing a detailed post about my current situation with the, um, Romantic Quandary. There's actually a very good story that came out of what happened--and when I say a very good story, you know that I mean I have a good story to tell. I might save it for later, or maybe I'll choose to keep this story to myself. But in any case, I am feeling much more relaxed and calmer about the Quandary than I did during that entire Mardi Gras break. And as long as it stays this way, who knows what the future has in store for the two of us.
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