A little more than a week until I go back to California.
I can't wait.
I have come to the conclusion that in my world, school breaks are bad news. I'm sure there are people who come back from these breaks fully recharged, but ever since Thanksgiving Break, I have been suffering from a severe case of DGAF and motivating myself to study has been a Herculean task.
A couple of things to stew over:
During one of my procrastination moments, I compiled all of the chapters of the revised EP draft I'd written so far and put them into one PDF document, so I could read it on my phone at any odd moments. Probably not the brightest idea, given my rule for not going back to revise anything until after a full draft is complete.....
....because ughhhhh, so much work to be done. On one hand, I was impressed by how much I'd churned out in the past year (over 70,000 words, over 250 pages in a PDF). On the other hand, some parts were really bad. Maybe not Fifty Shades level of atrocity, but... still nothing I'd want anyone else to read. The first half of Act I was really obviously a case of holy-pomelo-i-haven't-written-anything-in-YEARS-what-do-i-dooooooo flailing, and the first half of Act II is majorly saggy in terms of pacing. Which might be good, because this draft is gonna need major liposuction to trim down the word count anyways. Also, Act I will need a ton of reworking, because I need to nail down a lot of the details from Rory's side of things in order to revise how much detail I want to reveal in each of the interviews.
But before I can get around to doing any of the above, I need to finish Act III.
And before I can get around to that, I need to slog through this cardiovascular block and make it to winter break alive....bahhhh.
The second thing I was going to bring up.... basically, a classmate of mine asked me out to dinner. It took me by surprise, because 1) the text came out of nowhere, 2) I don't think I'm misunderstanding the implications behind his request, but my initial reaction was pretty much..... huh? You mean me?
I'd rather not get into the details of this whole situation, but basically I left that text hanging there for an hour because I didn't quite know how to respond. On one hand, I've been around this person enough to observe his behavior, and from what I've been able to discern, he is a good person -- well-mannered, polite, hard-working, selfless, and just very nice. On the other hand... I hadn't really been looking at that person in that way.
I read some article the other day about how the so-called "spark" or "chemistry" or whatever doesn't actually mean anything in the long-run; that it's just neuronal responses that wear off over time and don't actually predict how well two people will fare together. But regardless, I'd never felt that "spark" or whatever with this person--our conversations are almost diplomatic, as if we'd never made it out of the small-talk stage (a stage that I am very uncomfortable in, fyi). And unfortunately, I can't help but compare this situation to other ones where I did feel that spark -- usually people with whom I would engage in good-natured teasing or banter.
In the end, I took a friend's advice and said I was busy on the day he suggested, but that I was open to figuring something out after our exam (essentially after winter break, which gives me almost a month to sort my thoughts). I mean, why not, right? One dinner doesn't mean anything. It's not a binding contract for anything, you skittish ninny. But we all know that I have a tendency to protect myself preemptively.
Once, I was talking to M about how much I love being independent, and
the thought of having to chain my life to someone else's makes me
skittish. Her response was along the lines of, "Eventually, you're gonna meet someone whom you'll want to be chained to."
At this moment, this is not someone I am willing to give up my independence for. But whatever, I have three weeks to not think about this. We'll just have to see what happens in January.
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