With me, Not at me

really, it just disgusts me.

A death is a death. It is that simple. Show some compassion to those who are gone, no matter how they were. I am no fan of Anna Nicole Smith, but I did a double-take when I saw the headline when I came home after school. She was not the type of woman I would ever admire, but the comments I saw were disgusting. Some people really have no respect for the dead. Or even much respect for the ones that are alive, come to think of it.

Obviously, she had her own share of problems and whatnot. Many people didn't like her; I completely understand that, but what I don't understand is why people would go on to say things like "Good Riddance" or "Rest in Hell." All we know about her is how the media has pictured her to be. We can't condemn her based on how the media wants her to be.

I think we underestimate most of these celebrities. They put up with the constant publicity and the immediate biases people hold against them. Your every move is photographed and filmed, all ready to be criticized and scrutinized from around the world. Someone who can keep composure, who can still leave the house with her head held high must have a toughness inside.

And I respect that sort of ability to keep composure, simply because I lack that ability. Howl has been picking on me for as long as I can remember. He's picked on my clothes, insulted my hair, constantly reminding me of how "manly" I am. If he has been trying to undermine my femininity, then fine. If his definition of a girl is those stick-thin girls who don't exercise and instead strut laps around the mall dolled up in Abercrombie, then fine. I am not a girl.

I've said these words to myself over and over again, after all these years. And yet each time a new insult arises, I am offended again. Whether it was Howl or I who started it, but there has long been the illusion that I was one of those fearless violent girls who shut people up with a swift kick in the family jewels. That could not be farther from the truth. I might wish that would happen, but it never will. I simply care too much. I care how people think about me, and I care about the people who think about me.

I am guilty of making initial judgments based on the public opinion as well, but I would never go as far wishing the worst for people. Because no matter who they are, there is someone else out there who is grieving for them. You may laugh with them, "Haha, we knew she'd die of drugs like her son." When the day comes when it's your own loved one who has died and the media turns its back on you

They'll laugh. At you, not with you.