Espoir

Don't be afraid to let your heart go.

Each day in college, I become more and more aware of what an anomaly I am.

Valentine's Day is in three days, and not a minute comes by when I don't come across a flyer advertising some sort of Valentine's Day event or listen to someone talking about Valentine's Day plans. Marlowe (who I've been getting along perfectly well these days) has vowed to go out and "get some" this weekend as retaliation against her "bunny" (I don't even know what to call him... he's like a strange hybrid of (ex)boyfriend and best friend) who didn't buy the $40 ring she demanded him to buy for her. M has lamented her lack of a relationship fairly frequently in the last few weeks.

Then there's me, who doesn't really give a shit because Valentine's Day doesn't mean anything to me.

I have no memories of Valentine's Day. None. I can't recall anything from the last seventeen that I've experienced. I didn't enjoy a romantic day with a significant other, nor did I wallow in misery with Ben & Jerry's and leftover holiday chocolate. I have a feeling I was probably doing homework and playing tennis like any of the other 364 days of the year.

So anyways. This afternoon, I received an e-mail from DSG with this excerpt:

"Duke Student Government is proud to bring you a fun, simple way to celebrate Valentine's Day this year.

GoodCrush allows students to list the Duke emails (not net-id) of five students on whom they have crushes. Those students then receive e-mails telling them that an anonymous student has a crush on them.

If two people have entered each other's names, the website sends another e-mail revealing the students' identities to each other. Students can only log onto the website once."

Before I get into my reaction to this, I'll share my roommates' reactions. I think you can get a pretty good idea of their philosophies on love from this.

Marlowe: "HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard? I'd be so pissed if I got an e-mail about an anonymous crush. That's so third grade. Why would I want to be crushed on by a pathetic loser who doesn't even have the guts to tell me in person?"

M: "Awwwwwwwwwww that's so cute! I wish I had a crush right now, because I'd totally send them one! Oh, and I'd be so happy if I got one of those anonymous e-mails! It's like, 'Yes! I'm loved by somebody!' Can you imagine how legit this could be -- you could really get people together!"

Marlowe and M ended up having an argument about how Marlowe is "messing with the system" by putting in guys she doesn't even have a crush on. M was actually excited for K when he told her he got one of those e-mails, even though he already suspected it was from Marlowe. Marlowe thinks it's the most ridiculous idea she's ever come across; M thinks it really could bring people together. Marlowe argues that if she likes someone, she'll tell him out right; M argues that not everyone is brave enough to put themselves out there with the possibility of rejection.

In the end, I feel that whatever your opinion is on this depends on your personality. M and I are nowhere near as forward and aggressive romantically as Marlowe. That's the appeal of this program -- being able to dip your foot in the water without taking the plunge. I suppose ideally, being too chicken to confess things in person is problematic -- but I think the majority of us can relate to the fear of rejection.

Having said that, there's no way in hell I'm sending one of those in. L'espoir, c'est une chose dangereuse.