Sometimes you write yourself into a corner. You can't quite figure out how to make it work but you don't know what else to do, partly because you've plotted the storyline this way forever and you can't see any other possibility.
And then suddenly, you get this massive epiphany. It's an idea you can't let go of, and once you sit down and start molding it in your hands, you are amazed -- and thrilled -- by how perfectly it clicks. Suddenly, the character motivations become infinitely clearer; the dramatic suspense and mystery is multiplied ten-fold; the themes you wanted to explore rise out of the fog, fully-formed and coherent.
I had been having problems with Rory's storyline forever. It wasn't enough that Her Highness disbanded because Rory had died. There needed to be a better reason why the three would not talk for more than a year. Furthermore, I could never figure out the motivations for Rhys. His transformation stemmed from a combination of grief and guilt, but I had yet to find a substantial reason for guilt. More than anything though, I needed to figure out a better way to make Rory, who had been at the top of the social hierarchy, fall all the way down.
I have finally found the answer -- the event that triggered Rory's fall. It's something that leaves everyone with a tortuous shred of guilt -- enough that they cannot face each other in the aftermath of her death, because everyone's selfishness shares part of the blame.
I am notorious among my friends for living a very boring, drama-free life. Graydyl even said that she never asks me about my life when we meet up because I never have anything new to report. This winter, I was suddenly reminded of why I either consciously or subconsciously avoid drama.
So many of my faults rose up to face me -- my tendency to judge others according to my own moral standard; my inability to look at an event from someone else's shoes; my long-harbored insecurity of feeling left out and betrayed by friends; and most importantly, my very very very bad inability to keep my mouth shut and play the ignorant fool.
For someone so repelled by drama in her own life, I had always wondered if this would weaken my ability to create fictional drama. This epiphany is a testament that yes, I have a long, long way to go.
And that, my friends, is how my 2011 began.
