Night of the Hunter

Honest to God, I will break your heart

Tear you to pieces and rip you apart

-- "Night of the Hunter" by 30 Seconds to Mars

When you've kept the walls up for 23 years, you become very discerning about who you let in.

It scares me a bit to wonder how I appear to these people who really know nothing about me. Am I shy, intimidating, aloof, friendly? One girl I went Walmart shopping with asked me if I painted, and when I asked her why, she qualified it by saying I "looked artistic." I suppose she came to that conclusion either by the style of clothes I wear or by the photos on my Facebook profile. Artistic is a quality I will gladly take, but I wonder what else people have gleaned from my exterior appearances.

The girl who has become my exercise buddy here has become a popular target of affections, though she may not realize it yet. She is aware that I heard through the grapevine about a second year med student who kissed her at the block party, but she doesn't know about the classmate who's developed a crush on her. I've already begun collecting other people's secrets, and so far, I've been able to keep everything to myself.

The classmate with the crush doesn't realize I have heard about his affections for that girl. As a result, there's a strange subtext I can't ignore whenever we talk. Compared to the rest of my classmates, I talk to him very often. We joke with each other frequently. But is he using me to get closer to that girl? If that's the case, I can't help but feel a bit peeved.

It's a bit taxing, having to keep track of all of these threads and make sure you don't let things spill over. But we all know I live for drama. Other people's drama. Never mine.