Le Premier Jour

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.

01.
My lazy eye returns with greater fervor than before
It follows you through the room
like a distant shadow
Silently
Is it possible to catch a shadow?
(I think not.)

02.
When I look at the pillaged words
I once offered to you
It sickens me
And yet I still recall
When we wrote of daisy fields and moonbeams
And now it seems
I am the only one who remembers.

03.
She told me the other day
A Chinese fairytale
All the people shaping your life today
Were the strangers who brushed past you
Over the last 500 years
I wonder if I would be like that girl in that story
If I would become a rock for 500 years
Just to catch a glimpse of your retreating back again.

04.
Stop thinking you're so hip and enlightened.
Honestly.
It's really kind of stupid
How you talk about nirvana and wisdom
As you exterminate your own brain cells.

05.
I tell you I admire your writing
And you tell me you're flattered
But underneath I can't help but wonder
And if the unspoken words are instead:
Hi, I'm your cyberstalker, and
Leave me alone, you f---ing creep.

06.
I didn't tell you the whole truth.
I had a second epiphany that night, and it's that
I will never be able to be what you want me to be.
And I'm not sorry.

07.
Despite all the fond memories we share
I can still remember those moments
When I was the outsider looking in
Face pressed against the glass window
Watching the warmth and laughter
From where the heat never reached my cheeks.

08.
To you, that was also a lie.
While it's true I don't need the reassurance
Sometimes I crave it
Madly
Like when I'm about to drift to sleep
And I think,
Night is for Twos.
Not Ones.
Not for solitary creatures
Slinking alone in the darkness.

09.
You don't know I know this
But when someone told me you thought I was pretty
It was the first time I'd ever heard the word
Used by a guy to describe me.
I don't like you in that way
We both know it's not like that.
But it really did make me happy
To know my face doesn't make people cower in horror.

10.
Thank you.