antoinette

You make me sick.

i can't concentrate in class

not when
you're sitting in front of me and all i can think about are
those shoulders

what it would feel like
to see if my wingspan is enough
to cocoon them

and it gets worse in the line at the salad bar when i watch you take
spinach
mushrooms
red peppers
carrots
cheddar
olives
(why does memory work this well in the most trivial moments and fail so epically in the classroom?)

and each time
i go back to my room
look in the mirror
i see myself --

(the girl with the magenta shark backpack
the gold converse shoes
the heart-shaped hoop earrings)

-- pathetically, unforgettably flashy, like
a neon sign blaring to the world that

I want you to look only at me.