T.O.P.-mas

This fourth day of November in the year 2010 marks the 23rd year since the birth of the King of All Things Badass, and he has a message for you. Listen well.

AT LAST, WE MEET AGAIN MY PRECIOUS MORTALS! Yes, He has returned and now walks amongst thee as the living champion of badassitude! So let us depart, my badasslings -- zip up thine hoodies and don thine shades, for all shall be revealed on this day of celebration and merriment.


To be Badass, my pretty, foolish mortals, is not to simply don a studded face mask or hide thy face behind a pair of shades. This, the heretical imposter, Pastel Offspring of Spock, learned too little too late as I smote him with my Glare of Badassitude near seven moons ago. No -- Badassery, it is a way of living and a way of being. Those atrocities who call themselves followers of Badassery -- perhaps thou hast seen them indulge in facial piercings or practice their sneers in front of the bathroom mirror -- their lives are but empty vessels, sucked dry by vanity and pretension.

To be a Badass, my children, is to act upon thine principles and blaze thy trail, even if the beaten path tempts thee with luring promises of safety and acceptance.

Take the tale of David Carter, hailing from the American state of Indiana, who took matters into his own hands when his stepdaughter and other neighborhood children were frequently bullied and cussed at by a vile teenage girl in the neighborhood. How many times hast thou read the tale of To Kill a Mockingbird and secretly wished that Scout had Atticus' approval to defend his honor so that she would have really taught Cecil Jacobs and Francis Hancock a lesson for calling her father a "n----- lover"? Atticus may be a noble father, but he who tells his children to keep their fists down when the family honor is at stake is no true Badass.

But David Carter did not tell his daughter to reclaim the family honor with a good neighborhood pummel at the hands of her fists. He did not tell his young daughter to soil her hands with bloodshed. No, he approached the wrongdoer at the bus stop wielding an electric razor and threatened to shave off her hair should she ever bother the little Lady Carter again.

This, my lost lambs, is the way of a Badass.

Suppose thou sees a restaurant employee hurling racial insults at an ethnic customer. Wouldst thou eat thy food quietly and ignore the indecency unfurling before your eyes? Or wouldst thou stand up and make the offender eat his own words -- or if not, shove a table napkin down his throat instead? Wouldst thou speak for those who cannot find their own voice?

Listen. This is the Voice of T.O.P. -- the one unlike any other on this Earth. The key to Badassery lies neither in aerodynamically spiked hair nor pointed glares. He Who is Badass defends those in need of a savior and whoops the ass of those who brag and taunt behind the protection of legality. He Who is Badass shall bear the punishment (be it a felony or misdemeanor charge) in thine stead as thine savior.

And with that, I bid thee farewell, my badasslings. Until my return --

The One and Only Idol,
T.O.P.